Parenting With Heart

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What is natural parenting?
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!


Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***
So, what is Natural Parenting to me? I have to say that for me, the root of it all comes down to raising our children in a gentle, responsive and nurturing way. If you want to call it Attachment Parenting, that's fine with me. I call it that and I spread the word about it calling it that. In fact, I think it's a great idea to give this way of parenting a name, even if it does seem like commonsense, natural parenting, because sadly in today's society   many don't see it as that. People in today's society who share a family bed, breastfeed beyond the "recommended" time, or say no to sleep training are often labelled as "weirdos". However, in my mind, what is weird is trying to make our children independent before they are ready. What is also weird is that sometimes we are told to do things to prevent "spoiling" our children, in spite of our mommy gut screaming out "NO!" Giving this natural way of parenting a name helps bring people together to realize that we are in fact not "weirdos" and helps us find support. Plus, coming together to share the love is always a good thing.

I recently attended a lecture about stress and how it affects our bodies and our health. So many of our health problems can now be linked back to early life stress. Because so much of our development happens early in life, it's essential to reduce stress during these critical periods. In doing so, we can help babies' brains develop neural pathways in a way that will enhance their health and well being. The healthy development of attachment in early life is also an essential part of healthy growth and development. Without this attachment, well, we humans can have a lot of issues later in life. Yes, it's true we are resilient, and it's good that we are, but in reality, resilience can only take you so far and can only overcome so much. Plus resilience is a survival mechanism, not one that should be relied on for normal development. So, I believe that as parents it is in our children's best interest to do everything we can to ensure they don't experience unnecessary stress in their early life and that they develop a healthy attachment to us, their primary caregivers.

Not only will this help set the brain framework up for success {so that when they do experience unavoidable life stress in adulthood, they are able to manage it and overcome the hardship}, it will also help them learn how to form and maintain healthy relationships throughout their life.

So how do we help babies develop a healthy attachment? The answer is easy: respond to your baby, be there for your baby, nurture your baby, let your baby be a baby. Babies are meant to be dependent; it's a normal part of human development. Humans need to first be dependent so that later on they can be independent. If you think about it, we can see this reflected in nature as well. The young of wild animals stay with their mother, dependent on her for food and safety, learning all they can from her, until they are mature, strong and able to fend for themselves. I'm sure if we were to hear of a mother tiger leaving her young unfed and uncared for we would label her as an "inadequate mother" and we would feel sorry for those poor little cubs. Why do we think it's OK for us, the more advanced and intelligent species, to leave our babies to cry themselves to sleep just because so and so expert says they should be sleeping through the night, or to refuse them our milk just because they are a year old?

No two snowflakes are the same, just as no two babies are. 

Each baby will develop at their own pace. Some babies will sleep through the night at 12 weeks and another at 12 months {or whenever!}. Some babies will wean early {like my little guy, sniff, sniff} and others still need momma milk past their first birthday. As parents we should embrace our children's uniqueness, but what should stay consistent is the love and care we give our children.

I often get asked if I am worried that my children will "rule the roost". Aren't I worried that my children will be clingy and not do well in the real world when I can't always be there for them?

My answer is a simple: Nope. I am not worried at all. And now, because my daughter is 4 years old, I have proof that I was right not to worry.

My daughter learned to bond with people before things. She has learned to feel secure and safe, and because of that she also feels capable. She trusts that the world is a safe place because she has never had to feel the fear or anxiety of being alone or unattended. She trusts her instincts because her needs have always been met. Now, when she has a want and can't have it, she is receptive to my explanations of why she can't have it. Because of our close bond, we have learned to communicate and be receptive to each other, which makes parenting much more enjoyable. But to me what's most remarkable is the empathy and compassion she has for others and for the world around her.

Our society is in dire need of empathy and compassion.

And the rest of our natural parenting approach stems from the fact that we care. We care about our earth, about our food, about ourselves, our health and about those around us.

And lastly {because I can't spiel on and on about this, even though I could} I should mention that being an Attached Parent does not mean you have to be a martyr. In fact, it's essential for parents to take the time to refresh, rest, and replenish so they have more to give to their children and their families. Being an Attached Parent also does not mean that you have to give up on yourself and the things you enjoy. Quite the opposite, now you will have another set of eager eyes to enjoy your favorite things with you. Having a child is a miracle, a true blessing and if we embrace it and allow ourselves the luxury of listening to our inner guide, parenting can be the best journey ever!

Remember, there is no redo button. So toss away that book or stop listening to that person that's telling you to do things your heart doesn't want to. Parent from your heart and everything will be more than OK.

P.S. In case you are like me {a visual learner, a researcher or just like to read} there are actually some very good books out there that encourage parents to listen to their hearts and their instincts. Just through I'd share my favs:


"The No Cry" books by Elizabeth Pantley. I found "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Babies" especially helpful. She's also written books to help with other sleep issues, potty training, separation anxiety and more. Check her out.


Dr. Sears and his wife Martha have many books out there on Parenting. They write in a caring, understanding way and offer solutions for parents that are realistic and non-judgemental.


If you want a good read with lots of references and studies to support why Attachment Parenting is natural and instinctual check out "Our Babies Ourselves" by Meredith Small.

{Maddie and Isaac in March 2010}

***
Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone's posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!
This list will be updated November 9 with all the carnival links. We've arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on "What Is Natural Parenting?"


Attachment/Responsive Parenting
Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   
   • "Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting" — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • "Begin at the Beginning" — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   
   • "Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow" — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • "Breastfeeding with Love and Respect" — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • "Why Should I Call It Extended?" — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   
   • "Attachment Parenting Chose Us" — For a child who is born "sensitive," attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting "choice." Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • "Parenting in the Present" — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • "Parenting With Heart" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   
   • "Nurturing through touch" — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   
   • "Sometimes I Wish We Coslept" — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   
   • "Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?" — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she's going to hire someone new, and this time, she'll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • "Do You Have This?" — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • "What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family" — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   
   • "Unconditional Parenting" — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   
   • "Reducing Screen Time" — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• "Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1" — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• "Outgrowing the Little Potties" — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the "weird lady" who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• "Let's Talk Diapers" — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• "Supporting Natural Immunity" — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children's immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• "Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting" — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter's needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter's learning "challenges." (@myzerowaste)
• "Let Them Look" — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• "Why I Love Unschooling" — Unschooling isn't just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• "Is He Already Behind?"Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• "How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning" — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child's natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• "What 'Healthy Eating' Means to Me" — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• "What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food" — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• "Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting" — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn't about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• "I'm not the most crunchy, but I'm still au naturel" — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that's what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• "Because Natural comes Naturally" — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• "What Do You Mean 'Natural Parenting'?" — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• "One Little Change at a Time" — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until "natural parenting" wasn't a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• "WHY Attachment Parenting?" — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• "Yours, Respectfully" — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• "The Natural Parenting Label" — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• "When Our Children Are Grown" — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• "What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?" — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• "Attachment Parenting and Our Family" — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• "I'm a Mama...Naturally" — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn't intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.