An article is making it's rounds on the web summarizing a study that found breastfed babies are classified by their mothers as "more challenging" when compared to formula fed babies. The investigators encourage mothers to not give up breastfeeding and to seek out support if they need it, instead of resorting to starting to feed their baby formula. The authors claim that formula fed babies may be more content, but they are "over-nourished and gain weight too quickly".
Interesting, but I wonder if they looked at parenting styles along with infant behaviour? It would be interesting to see how the two outcomes relate. I for one would certainly classify my babies as "high needs" but only if I had a high expectations parenting approach. I know babies are babies and I do not expect them to be anything else! I wear them, I feed them on demand and I sleep close to them. I listen to their voice and I learn what they are trying to tell me. My babies don't cry unnecessarily. That doesn't mean they don't cry...but when they do, I find out why and solve the problem.
Also, these results are yet more evidence that shows mothers are not supposed to do it all alone--society needs to make it easier on mothers! I say we need to make sure mothers feel supported and informed. Breastfeeding is certainly not easy...and all we can do is try our best and not be afraid to ask for help.
Research is of course interesting, but I hope these results don't discourage mothers from breastfeeding their babies.
Have a read and let me know what you think!
Showing posts with label Breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Breastfeeding. Show all posts
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
My beautiful {preemie} girl
My Maddie was born premature. She arrived into this world at only 32 weeks and 6 days, despite all the efforts to keep her in for longer.Today is National Prematurity Awareness Day and I'd like to share her birth and NICU story.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Without my Mei Tai...
This post was written to promote awareness about the benefits and safety of babywearing. For more info check out Adventures in Babywearing where Steph has asked babywearers to unite against the recent warnings from the CPSC against baby carriers.
Without my Mei Tai I would have lost my sanity. My son was a very high needs, gassy baby, who cried all.the.time. But if he was carried he was happy. And so was I. When I was trying to get pregnant I bought a BabyHawk Mei Tai from Nurtured. I knew the actual baby was not yet on the way, but it was one way I could call to the universe to say that I was ready. A couple of months after my purchase the baby was on the way.
And when he arrived my world turned topsy turvy because although I had already been through one infancy period, I had not been through one with a little boy like Isaac. He was a very intense little boy. And the only way we could keep him happy was to hold him. And the only way he would sleep for longer than 20 minutes was to hold him. So we did. I even learned to breastfeed in the Mei Tai {and was darn proud of myself that I figured that out because I had always wondered how the heck you could do that!}.
With my daughter I didn't babywear too much. Partly because she didn't like the sling {and I didn't pursue trying out other carriers} and partly because I only had one baby and I didn't mind carrying her and devoting all my attention to her. Yes, it's true that babywearing would have made my life easier at times, but she was happy to sit down and watch me do stuff. But when baby Isaac arrived, I did not have the luxury to spend and devote all my time and attention to him, so into the Mei Tai he went. And he liked it and thrived in there. I then had 2 hands to do stuff that needed getting done, I could look after and keep my 3 year old entertained, all while still bonding and providing comfort and reassurance to my infant.
When he got unbearably heavy (at around 7 months) we got a Beco Butterfly carrier and grew to love it too. {But, please note that even heavy babies can be worn in Mei Tai's. However, for us it was more comfy to get a carrier with better shoulder support. Plus it was an excuse to get a new carrier! I am hooked I tell you!}.
To this day he gets in there when we go for walks, when he's fussy, cranky or I just need a baby-free zone {like when I'm cooking}.
Babywearing is safe but most importantly it's essential. It enhances bonding, it provides the ideal learning environment for babies {who learns anything when mostly all they can see are feet!?}, it keeps babies happy, and moms and dads feel the freedom to do things because babies can sleep or be content {as in not screaming} while carried. You can even go on vacations, on hikes, visit busy markets...pretty much do anything and know your baby will be happy, safe and entertained {or get much needed rest, if that's what baby wants}.
I now proclaim the benefits of babywearing to anyone who asks me about it and I hope Isaac keeps enjoying being worn for a long time yet. I have lent out my Mei Tai to a family member who's just had a baby and hope she gets just as much out of it as we did.
Without my Mei Tai I would have lost my sanity. My son was a very high needs, gassy baby, who cried all.the.time. But if he was carried he was happy. And so was I. When I was trying to get pregnant I bought a BabyHawk Mei Tai from Nurtured. I knew the actual baby was not yet on the way, but it was one way I could call to the universe to say that I was ready. A couple of months after my purchase the baby was on the way.
And when he arrived my world turned topsy turvy because although I had already been through one infancy period, I had not been through one with a little boy like Isaac. He was a very intense little boy. And the only way we could keep him happy was to hold him. And the only way he would sleep for longer than 20 minutes was to hold him. So we did. I even learned to breastfeed in the Mei Tai {and was darn proud of myself that I figured that out because I had always wondered how the heck you could do that!}.
Me and Isaac at the Houston Zoo {in the Mei Tai}
With my daughter I didn't babywear too much. Partly because she didn't like the sling {and I didn't pursue trying out other carriers} and partly because I only had one baby and I didn't mind carrying her and devoting all my attention to her. Yes, it's true that babywearing would have made my life easier at times, but she was happy to sit down and watch me do stuff. But when baby Isaac arrived, I did not have the luxury to spend and devote all my time and attention to him, so into the Mei Tai he went. And he liked it and thrived in there. I then had 2 hands to do stuff that needed getting done, I could look after and keep my 3 year old entertained, all while still bonding and providing comfort and reassurance to my infant.
When he got unbearably heavy (at around 7 months) we got a Beco Butterfly carrier and grew to love it too. {But, please note that even heavy babies can be worn in Mei Tai's. However, for us it was more comfy to get a carrier with better shoulder support. Plus it was an excuse to get a new carrier! I am hooked I tell you!}.
To this day he gets in there when we go for walks, when he's fussy, cranky or I just need a baby-free zone {like when I'm cooking}.
Ken and Isaac Gardening (in the Beco)
Babywearing is safe but most importantly it's essential. It enhances bonding, it provides the ideal learning environment for babies {who learns anything when mostly all they can see are feet!?}, it keeps babies happy, and moms and dads feel the freedom to do things because babies can sleep or be content {as in not screaming} while carried. You can even go on vacations, on hikes, visit busy markets...pretty much do anything and know your baby will be happy, safe and entertained {or get much needed rest, if that's what baby wants}.
I now proclaim the benefits of babywearing to anyone who asks me about it and I hope Isaac keeps enjoying being worn for a long time yet. I have lent out my Mei Tai to a family member who's just had a baby and hope she gets just as much out of it as we did.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Hell Week
One of many and I'm sure not the last.
When they kiddos get sick it's bound to be bad; day, night and anytime in between. We had such a great week away {which I promise I will post about VERY soon} and now we are all sick with colds. I probably picked something up on the plane and have managed to pass it along to the kiddos.
Last night was just horrid. Isaac was up sleeping on and off {mostly off} until 2am, when finally after me telling him to do it for hours, Ken brought him into bed with us where he slept soundly until 7am. The sleeping part was good, the early wake-up after a crappy night was not so good. Thankfully, and I mean PRAISE-THE-HEAVENS-HALLELUJAH, my wonderful mother happened to call and offered to come over, when she heard my near-death voice, and watch him while me and Maddie continued to sleep. And that is the only reason I feel human today and able to blog instead of passing out in a coma while the kiddos sleep. I just love my mom.
I just came back from helping Isaac go back to sleep after he woke himself up by coughing. Why do colds have to go right to his lungs? Sheesh.
Incidentally, he also just nursed {for a wee tiny bit} for the first time in WEEKS {oh, well he did nurse for a smidgen while we were in Mexico too}. It's nice to still be able to comfort him when nothing else can.
And on that note I may decide, after all, to pass out in a coma for even just a few minutes. If I'm due for another hell night, I figure I might as well sleep while I can.
When they kiddos get sick it's bound to be bad; day, night and anytime in between. We had such a great week away {which I promise I will post about VERY soon} and now we are all sick with colds. I probably picked something up on the plane and have managed to pass it along to the kiddos.
Last night was just horrid. Isaac was up sleeping on and off {mostly off} until 2am, when finally after me telling him to do it for hours, Ken brought him into bed with us where he slept soundly until 7am. The sleeping part was good, the early wake-up after a crappy night was not so good. Thankfully, and I mean PRAISE-THE-HEAVENS-HALLELUJAH, my wonderful mother happened to call and offered to come over, when she heard my near-death voice, and watch him while me and Maddie continued to sleep. And that is the only reason I feel human today and able to blog instead of passing out in a coma while the kiddos sleep. I just love my mom.
I just came back from helping Isaac go back to sleep after he woke himself up by coughing. Why do colds have to go right to his lungs? Sheesh.
Incidentally, he also just nursed {for a wee tiny bit} for the first time in WEEKS {oh, well he did nurse for a smidgen while we were in Mexico too}. It's nice to still be able to comfort him when nothing else can.
And on that note I may decide, after all, to pass out in a coma for even just a few minutes. If I'm due for another hell night, I figure I might as well sleep while I can.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Isaac Weaning
I am pretty sure my little boy is weaning. Is it ironic that it's culminating during World Breastfeeding Week?
Over the last few weeks Isaac has been breastfeeding less and less. I offer and offer and keep getting the turn-away. It's so bittersweet. I am happy we've made it to at least a year. But I'm sad because as a mommy, I don't wish for my little ones to wean. I mean yes, eventually they have to wean, but it's not something I am sitting here, impatiently waiting for it to happen, wondering when oh when will it end?.
Now that it's happening I suppose I am seeing the perks. But I am still more sad than happy about it. I think it will take a while to fully sink in.
He is going from baby to big boy too fast.
Over the last few weeks Isaac has been breastfeeding less and less. I offer and offer and keep getting the turn-away. It's so bittersweet. I am happy we've made it to at least a year. But I'm sad because as a mommy, I don't wish for my little ones to wean. I mean yes, eventually they have to wean, but it's not something I am sitting here, impatiently waiting for it to happen, wondering when oh when will it end?.
Now that it's happening I suppose I am seeing the perks. But I am still more sad than happy about it. I think it will take a while to fully sink in.
He is going from baby to big boy too fast.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Kate Hansen's Blog and my thoughts on Breastfeeding
My friend thought I would find this blog interesting, she was right! Thanks P!
The author's art is quite striking. She has captured motherhood so well and so beautifully. The content of her blog is also refreshing and thought provoking...and right up my alley!
Her recent post on the sad state of the double standard on breastfeeding that exists in our society is an interesting read. If you have a minute check it out.
I was actually thinking about this the other day while I was breastfeeding my 11 month old in public. I often hear of stories where women get told to cover up, or to go somewhere private to "do that". Luckily I have never had to experience such negative comments, although sometimes I wish someone would say something idiotic to me so I may enlighten them! Hahaha!
Here's the thing. Women have the right to breastfeed wherever, whenever, however they want. Our society should just accept that and normalize that. This does not mean that women should not cover up if that's what makes them comfortable. Vice versa, if breastfeeding uncovered is easier, then by all means women should do that. It should just not be an issue, at all. It should just be something as normal as breathing, blinking, walking, eating...you get the point. Do people tell each other to do those things in private? Don't think so.
Personally, both of my kiddos breastfeed (breastfed) more comfortably uncovered (as in without the aid of a blanket or nursing cover) and this works for me too. People are ignorant in thinking that women who breastfeed are being sexual, exposing themselves for everyone to see. How ridiculous is that!? As a matter of fact, I bet a sexy girl at the beach in her bikini is showing more boob than I ever do (and other breastfeeding moms do) when breastfeeding!
So next time you see a mom breastfeeding think about exactly what she is doing. She is nourishing a baby, giving it everything it needs to grow, be content, feel secure, be healthy and happy. She is helping raise the next generation. Who doesn't want to see happy, healthy babies growing well? When you look at it that way, it's easy to see it's purpose and how much of a non-issue this should all be! And of course it would help to make it a non-issue if the fact that breasts are primarily designed to provide nutrition was acknowledged, any other "use" breasts have is secondary. The multi-functionality of breasts should be celebrated, it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of! If we view it this way it's easy to support breastfeeding in its entirety, including women's right to breastfeed as they please.
The author's art is quite striking. She has captured motherhood so well and so beautifully. The content of her blog is also refreshing and thought provoking...and right up my alley!
Her recent post on the sad state of the double standard on breastfeeding that exists in our society is an interesting read. If you have a minute check it out.
I was actually thinking about this the other day while I was breastfeeding my 11 month old in public. I often hear of stories where women get told to cover up, or to go somewhere private to "do that". Luckily I have never had to experience such negative comments, although sometimes I wish someone would say something idiotic to me so I may enlighten them! Hahaha!
Here's the thing. Women have the right to breastfeed wherever, whenever, however they want. Our society should just accept that and normalize that. This does not mean that women should not cover up if that's what makes them comfortable. Vice versa, if breastfeeding uncovered is easier, then by all means women should do that. It should just not be an issue, at all. It should just be something as normal as breathing, blinking, walking, eating...you get the point. Do people tell each other to do those things in private? Don't think so.
Personally, both of my kiddos breastfeed (breastfed) more comfortably uncovered (as in without the aid of a blanket or nursing cover) and this works for me too. People are ignorant in thinking that women who breastfeed are being sexual, exposing themselves for everyone to see. How ridiculous is that!? As a matter of fact, I bet a sexy girl at the beach in her bikini is showing more boob than I ever do (and other breastfeeding moms do) when breastfeeding!
So next time you see a mom breastfeeding think about exactly what she is doing. She is nourishing a baby, giving it everything it needs to grow, be content, feel secure, be healthy and happy. She is helping raise the next generation. Who doesn't want to see happy, healthy babies growing well? When you look at it that way, it's easy to see it's purpose and how much of a non-issue this should all be! And of course it would help to make it a non-issue if the fact that breasts are primarily designed to provide nutrition was acknowledged, any other "use" breasts have is secondary. The multi-functionality of breasts should be celebrated, it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of! If we view it this way it's easy to support breastfeeding in its entirety, including women's right to breastfeed as they please.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Free stuff...for a good cause!
There is a giveaway going on at "If Breastfeeding Offends You Put a Blanket Over YOUR Head"... the prize is a tote bag with the logo on it. Go on over and enter your name! And while you're there check out their other posts, lots of good info and support on breastfeeding.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A beautiful sight in a tragic situation...
This photo is both heartbreaking and encouraging at the same time. Despite all the turmoil around, Renante Taris breastfeeds her son, Erikson, comforting him in this gentle mothering way like nothing else can. Renante and her toddler are at a hospital in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
[Photo by Jae C. Hong. Thank you to peaceful parenting mom, Tara Wise Drumm, for passing this photo along.] Thanks Kiwi for posting this so I could pass it along too!
Monday, January 4, 2010
My 2 cents
On the Nurtured blog, the gals have made a couple of posts about "Things I Wish I Had Known" that is definitely worth a read. One of the wonderful things about motherhood is the camaraderie it brings. Knowing that someone else is going through (or went through) the same things you are brings about strength to get through the rough patches. Sharing knowledge about motherhood and parenting is an essential part of the support a new mother needs. Of course there are often people that provide unsolicited advice (these people are everywhere and say things not only to moms/parents, but to anyone, and most of the time their words are not advice or knowledge-sharing, but judgement). But when it's good-willed, non-judgemental, plain old caring, supportive knowledge-advice, it can mean a lot.
Their post got me thinking about things I wish I had known or done differently and I thought I would share them...
During Pregnancy: When I was pregnant with Maddie I was in heaven. Since I was a little girl I looked forward to the day I would get to be a mommy and my time was finally here. I just loved every minute of being pregnant. I read up on everything I could get my hands on. My favorite book was "The Pregnancy Bible" (I even got a copy from the library when I was pregnant with Isaac because I just loved it and all the info in it about fetal development). I was lucky to come across Dr. Sears and his books during my pregnancy. One of my favorite parenting books is the "The Baby Book". Looking back I am so grateful I read that book before Maddie was born because it introduced me to Attachment Parenting. Because she was a preemie and her needs were magnified because of it, I would not have survived without being an attached mommy. Anyways, going back to being pregnant. Looking back I think the only thing I would have liked to do differently during Maddie's pregnancy was to take more belly pictures and to have read more about what came once the baby was born. But because I had no idea what was going to happen and that I would deliver 7 weeks early I didn't get that far in my books. During Isaac's pregnancy things were totally different. Although I enjoyed being pregnant, I worried pretty much the whole pregnancy (I was terrified of having another preterm birth, perhaps even earlier than Maddie's). And I also read a lot more about labour, delivery and I became more knowledgeable about my options during the delivery. I had a midwife and doula and made a birth plan. I got the chance to do things the way I wanted during his pregnancy. One of the many blessings of having a second child is that you also get a second try at the whole experience. But as I found out, things don't always turn out the way you think they will. So I guess I would say that if I could give my past self some advice I would say try to relax more and just enjoy the pregnancy. Because even though at 36 weeks and beyond you swear you would do anything to NOT be pregnant anymore, you will one day miss it and wish to be pregnant again! I could have sworn this would not happen to me, but yet here I am, barely 6 months after and I miss being pregnant!
During labour and delivery: One night at 32 weeks and 6 days gestation, my water broke and 12 hours later, despite being told she would not be born that day and given medications to stop labour, Maddie arrived into this world. If I could go back in time and give myself advice, I would have said to try to give birth without pain medication. I made it to 8-9cm without anything, when I finally got my epidural in, it was time for me to push, so it really did not do much. Looking back (and after having another labour) my labour and delivery with Maddie was so easy and uncomplicated that it would have been nice to have got through it without drugs. That is why with Isaac, I opted to try (but as it happened, I ended up with all the pain meds in the world!). Anyways, when Maddie was born she was whisked away from me almost immediately. I got to hold her for barely a minute. Ken wanted to stay with me, but I sent him to the NICU so he could be with her and tell me everything later. I am glad I did that, but it was hard being alone with just the doctor for the 3rd stage of labour. That was another thing I had no idea about. Nobody really talks about the delivery of the placenta so I had no clue what was going on, except that the doctor was telling me to push when a contraction happened (my epidural had kicked in by this point). One thing I would also tell my past self is to get a doula. If she had been there she could have kept me company and provided support during that time. I had a doula for Isaac's labour and delivery and she was wonderful and in addition to my midwife and Ken, supported me during a very difficult, long labour. She was good, not just for me, but for Ken too. One of the things I liked best about having a doula was that she was my voice for when I couldn't speak for myself. She knew (because of our pre-delivery meetings) what my wishes were and what I wanted my labour and delivery experience to be. So when I was in full blown pain and focusing on getting through contractions and the nurse or doctor wanted to ask me something she could be there to help out. Also, I needed someone to look after Maddie when I went to the hospital and I wanted my mom to be that person. But that left me without one of my strongest support persons, so Shannon, my doula, was there for me. All in all, she was a great resource and support to have.
Taking Care of Baby in the NICU: After Maddie was born we were thrust into the world of the NICU. As two educated, involved parents we wanted to know EVERYTHING that was part of Maddie's care. I wanted so much to hold her all the time as it felt natural and I had also read that it was beneficial for the preemie baby to be held as much as possible. But because of her jaundice and other medical issues she had to be in her incubator for most of the time. I also wanted to start breastfeeding her right away, but was discouraged from trying by the NICU staff. I completely understand why (preemies tend to not be able to suck, they get tired and need their energy for other bodily functions like growing and breathing...), but it didn't make the instinct to want to do so go away. One of the things I really regret about our time in the NICU is that I was not more proactive about starting my breastfeeding relationship with Maddie. But this was not due to me not wanting to breastfeed, it was due to the lack of support and encouragement from the NICU staff. I was pumping like a crazy woman, every 3 hours 24/7, so at least I had pumped milk to give Maddie. However, they were giving it to her via a bottle with a nipple. I was so innocent and ignorant to the whole thing, that I didn't question this at all. Why couldn't I be the nipple she drank from? I know they had to give her measured amounts, but still, I am sure she would only have nursed until she was full or got tired. I was so desperate to feel that bond that one day, when it was just me and her behind the curtain I latched her on and to my amazement she latched on perfectly. I let her suck for a few seconds and then because I was actually scared I would be harming her (I could kick myself now about this!!!) I unlatched her. I had been made to feel afraid that she was not ready to breastfeed and that doing so could harm her in some way. How ridiculous is that!? A baby is born with the most powerful, natural instinct to feed and there is nothing harmful about that. If I had persisted and told someone about how well she had latched maybe she could have started to breastfeed sooner than she did. But it wasn't until she was 10 days that finally her nurse (who to this day I am so grateful to!) asked me if I wanted to try to breastfeed. So we did and since that day she breastfed like a champ! She started growing so well and a week later (after 18 days in the NICU) she was home, despite us being told she would be there for at least 2 months. So after that experience I swore that if I ever had another baby, and if we ended up the NICU again I would be a better advocate for myself and my baby. Well, 3 years later Isaac came along and lo and behold, he also ended up in the NICU. We were their worst nightmare I am sure. Again, they would not let me breastfeed him right away because they wanted to make sure he was not going to have any complications after having some oxygen deprivation during the labour. But I persisted and persisted and I had my midwife there too persisting as well. Finally, they relented. If I was to pump first I could try latching him to that side. Luckily, I only had to do that once because he was doing well and after about 24 hours after being born was discharged from the NICU. I relished our first breastfeeding moment. After being through all that I came out with the the experience to always trust myself and my maternal instincts. They are there for a reason.
Taking Care of Baby at Home: Once we were home things took on a rhythm of each baby's accord. Maddie needed to eat every 1-2 hours, slept a lot and needed to be held almost always. Isaac on the other hand wanted to eat every 2-3 hours, didn't sleep a lot, but also wanted to be held all the time. After having 2 children I now know how different they can be, even from day one of their lives. There are times when I have had a hard time accepting this. I sometimes wish that Isaac would sleep well like Maddie did. Maddie never took a soother, my breasts were her soother, but Isaac likes his soother and I get a bit of a break. So we take some and lose some and in the end we have 2 wonderful children who we have come to accept for exactly who they are. If I could tell myself back in the days of Maddie's infancy something to do differently would be to relax about diaper changing at night. I would religiously change her diaper every time she would wake up even if she wasn't super wet or poopy. Also having a baby carrier has saved my sanity with Isaac. I think in the early days with Maddie it would have also been good to have one. Some things that I did to keep me sane in the early days with Maddie was to watch DVD's and movies as I fed her. She could feed for up to an hour or more at a time, so I would get a bit restless and bored. With Isaac I put audio books on my iPod and listened to them as I fed him and settled him to sleep at night (he would take an hour or more to finally fall asleep and stay asleep when put down). Knowing that all these moments are but a minute part of the whole picture helps to keep you present in the Now and to enjoy them. Never again will your baby be exactly 1 week old, or 3 months old, or 5 1/2 months old. I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but remind yourself to stay present and instead of wishing away the moment enjoy it for what it is. I constantly find myself thinking, "Oh I wish Isaac would just stop crying to be picked up..." or "I wish he would just sleep and not need to eat so much at night..." or "I wish he didn't need to be held and rocked to sleep..." or a whole bunch of other things. But then I realize that right now I am everything he needs, and that's a nice thing to be. Never again will he need me this much. One day I will look back at these times and I would like to be able to say I don't regret anything, that I enjoyed these moments of my children's young lives to the fullest...But, that is not to say that you will not experience frustration, anger and sheer desperation. It's OK to feel that and it will pass. Just remember to not let it take over and that things will get better. I am living this right now. I am not sleeping well and I am always tired. But I am holding on because I know that one day soon, I will have a wondrous stretch of uninterrupted sleep!
Taking Care of Mommy: I'm sure everyone has heard the saying, "A happy, mommy makes a happy baby" and it's true. If you are happy, feel good about yourself and are taken care of, it makes taking care of your baby the pleasant experience it should be (most of the time! That good old sleep deprivation will still take it's toll, but there are things you can do to help). Before having your baby, when you know it's getting close to delivery day (but not too close!), go to the salon and pamper yourself to a haircut, manicure and pedicure, eyebrow shaping and if you want, a waxing of the legs (and whatever else you wish to wax!). If you can't go to the salon get your friends or partner to help you do it at home. It will be well worth it once you are home with baby and don't have the time or energy to shave and prune. If you are able to, get a massage (heck, get regular massages during pregnancy!). Being relaxed and muscle-ache free will feel nice when you are suffering from sleep deprivation. In the early days after bringing your baby home, don't do anything besides be with your baby, sleep (sleep whenever you can!), eat, and shower. Get family and friends to help with meals, cleaning, laundry etc. If you find yourself needing extra support and/or advice and help, don't hesitate to get it. Contact your local Public Health nurse for questions about baby care, breastfeeding, post-partum healing and mental health. There are also many support groups for breastfeeding. These moms are there to help and no question is ever not worth asking! And the most important thing you can do (well, besides sleeping when baby does), is to remind yourself constantly that it will get better, it will get easier and to enjoy your baby because before you know it your kiddo will be all grown-up...
Their post got me thinking about things I wish I had known or done differently and I thought I would share them...
During Pregnancy: When I was pregnant with Maddie I was in heaven. Since I was a little girl I looked forward to the day I would get to be a mommy and my time was finally here. I just loved every minute of being pregnant. I read up on everything I could get my hands on. My favorite book was "The Pregnancy Bible" (I even got a copy from the library when I was pregnant with Isaac because I just loved it and all the info in it about fetal development). I was lucky to come across Dr. Sears and his books during my pregnancy. One of my favorite parenting books is the "The Baby Book". Looking back I am so grateful I read that book before Maddie was born because it introduced me to Attachment Parenting. Because she was a preemie and her needs were magnified because of it, I would not have survived without being an attached mommy. Anyways, going back to being pregnant. Looking back I think the only thing I would have liked to do differently during Maddie's pregnancy was to take more belly pictures and to have read more about what came once the baby was born. But because I had no idea what was going to happen and that I would deliver 7 weeks early I didn't get that far in my books. During Isaac's pregnancy things were totally different. Although I enjoyed being pregnant, I worried pretty much the whole pregnancy (I was terrified of having another preterm birth, perhaps even earlier than Maddie's). And I also read a lot more about labour, delivery and I became more knowledgeable about my options during the delivery. I had a midwife and doula and made a birth plan. I got the chance to do things the way I wanted during his pregnancy. One of the many blessings of having a second child is that you also get a second try at the whole experience. But as I found out, things don't always turn out the way you think they will. So I guess I would say that if I could give my past self some advice I would say try to relax more and just enjoy the pregnancy. Because even though at 36 weeks and beyond you swear you would do anything to NOT be pregnant anymore, you will one day miss it and wish to be pregnant again! I could have sworn this would not happen to me, but yet here I am, barely 6 months after and I miss being pregnant!During labour and delivery: One night at 32 weeks and 6 days gestation, my water broke and 12 hours later, despite being told she would not be born that day and given medications to stop labour, Maddie arrived into this world. If I could go back in time and give myself advice, I would have said to try to give birth without pain medication. I made it to 8-9cm without anything, when I finally got my epidural in, it was time for me to push, so it really did not do much. Looking back (and after having another labour) my labour and delivery with Maddie was so easy and uncomplicated that it would have been nice to have got through it without drugs. That is why with Isaac, I opted to try (but as it happened, I ended up with all the pain meds in the world!). Anyways, when Maddie was born she was whisked away from me almost immediately. I got to hold her for barely a minute. Ken wanted to stay with me, but I sent him to the NICU so he could be with her and tell me everything later. I am glad I did that, but it was hard being alone with just the doctor for the 3rd stage of labour. That was another thing I had no idea about. Nobody really talks about the delivery of the placenta so I had no clue what was going on, except that the doctor was telling me to push when a contraction happened (my epidural had kicked in by this point). One thing I would also tell my past self is to get a doula. If she had been there she could have kept me company and provided support during that time. I had a doula for Isaac's labour and delivery and she was wonderful and in addition to my midwife and Ken, supported me during a very difficult, long labour. She was good, not just for me, but for Ken too. One of the things I liked best about having a doula was that she was my voice for when I couldn't speak for myself. She knew (because of our pre-delivery meetings) what my wishes were and what I wanted my labour and delivery experience to be. So when I was in full blown pain and focusing on getting through contractions and the nurse or doctor wanted to ask me something she could be there to help out. Also, I needed someone to look after Maddie when I went to the hospital and I wanted my mom to be that person. But that left me without one of my strongest support persons, so Shannon, my doula, was there for me. All in all, she was a great resource and support to have.
Taking Care of Baby in the NICU: After Maddie was born we were thrust into the world of the NICU. As two educated, involved parents we wanted to know EVERYTHING that was part of Maddie's care. I wanted so much to hold her all the time as it felt natural and I had also read that it was beneficial for the preemie baby to be held as much as possible. But because of her jaundice and other medical issues she had to be in her incubator for most of the time. I also wanted to start breastfeeding her right away, but was discouraged from trying by the NICU staff. I completely understand why (preemies tend to not be able to suck, they get tired and need their energy for other bodily functions like growing and breathing...), but it didn't make the instinct to want to do so go away. One of the things I really regret about our time in the NICU is that I was not more proactive about starting my breastfeeding relationship with Maddie. But this was not due to me not wanting to breastfeed, it was due to the lack of support and encouragement from the NICU staff. I was pumping like a crazy woman, every 3 hours 24/7, so at least I had pumped milk to give Maddie. However, they were giving it to her via a bottle with a nipple. I was so innocent and ignorant to the whole thing, that I didn't question this at all. Why couldn't I be the nipple she drank from? I know they had to give her measured amounts, but still, I am sure she would only have nursed until she was full or got tired. I was so desperate to feel that bond that one day, when it was just me and her behind the curtain I latched her on and to my amazement she latched on perfectly. I let her suck for a few seconds and then because I was actually scared I would be harming her (I could kick myself now about this!!!) I unlatched her. I had been made to feel afraid that she was not ready to breastfeed and that doing so could harm her in some way. How ridiculous is that!? A baby is born with the most powerful, natural instinct to feed and there is nothing harmful about that. If I had persisted and told someone about how well she had latched maybe she could have started to breastfeed sooner than she did. But it wasn't until she was 10 days that finally her nurse (who to this day I am so grateful to!) asked me if I wanted to try to breastfeed. So we did and since that day she breastfed like a champ! She started growing so well and a week later (after 18 days in the NICU) she was home, despite us being told she would be there for at least 2 months. So after that experience I swore that if I ever had another baby, and if we ended up the NICU again I would be a better advocate for myself and my baby. Well, 3 years later Isaac came along and lo and behold, he also ended up in the NICU. We were their worst nightmare I am sure. Again, they would not let me breastfeed him right away because they wanted to make sure he was not going to have any complications after having some oxygen deprivation during the labour. But I persisted and persisted and I had my midwife there too persisting as well. Finally, they relented. If I was to pump first I could try latching him to that side. Luckily, I only had to do that once because he was doing well and after about 24 hours after being born was discharged from the NICU. I relished our first breastfeeding moment. After being through all that I came out with the the experience to always trust myself and my maternal instincts. They are there for a reason.
Taking Care of Baby at Home: Once we were home things took on a rhythm of each baby's accord. Maddie needed to eat every 1-2 hours, slept a lot and needed to be held almost always. Isaac on the other hand wanted to eat every 2-3 hours, didn't sleep a lot, but also wanted to be held all the time. After having 2 children I now know how different they can be, even from day one of their lives. There are times when I have had a hard time accepting this. I sometimes wish that Isaac would sleep well like Maddie did. Maddie never took a soother, my breasts were her soother, but Isaac likes his soother and I get a bit of a break. So we take some and lose some and in the end we have 2 wonderful children who we have come to accept for exactly who they are. If I could tell myself back in the days of Maddie's infancy something to do differently would be to relax about diaper changing at night. I would religiously change her diaper every time she would wake up even if she wasn't super wet or poopy. Also having a baby carrier has saved my sanity with Isaac. I think in the early days with Maddie it would have also been good to have one. Some things that I did to keep me sane in the early days with Maddie was to watch DVD's and movies as I fed her. She could feed for up to an hour or more at a time, so I would get a bit restless and bored. With Isaac I put audio books on my iPod and listened to them as I fed him and settled him to sleep at night (he would take an hour or more to finally fall asleep and stay asleep when put down). Knowing that all these moments are but a minute part of the whole picture helps to keep you present in the Now and to enjoy them. Never again will your baby be exactly 1 week old, or 3 months old, or 5 1/2 months old. I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but remind yourself to stay present and instead of wishing away the moment enjoy it for what it is. I constantly find myself thinking, "Oh I wish Isaac would just stop crying to be picked up..." or "I wish he would just sleep and not need to eat so much at night..." or "I wish he didn't need to be held and rocked to sleep..." or a whole bunch of other things. But then I realize that right now I am everything he needs, and that's a nice thing to be. Never again will he need me this much. One day I will look back at these times and I would like to be able to say I don't regret anything, that I enjoyed these moments of my children's young lives to the fullest...But, that is not to say that you will not experience frustration, anger and sheer desperation. It's OK to feel that and it will pass. Just remember to not let it take over and that things will get better. I am living this right now. I am not sleeping well and I am always tired. But I am holding on because I know that one day soon, I will have a wondrous stretch of uninterrupted sleep!Taking Care of Mommy: I'm sure everyone has heard the saying, "A happy, mommy makes a happy baby" and it's true. If you are happy, feel good about yourself and are taken care of, it makes taking care of your baby the pleasant experience it should be (most of the time! That good old sleep deprivation will still take it's toll, but there are things you can do to help). Before having your baby, when you know it's getting close to delivery day (but not too close!), go to the salon and pamper yourself to a haircut, manicure and pedicure, eyebrow shaping and if you want, a waxing of the legs (and whatever else you wish to wax!). If you can't go to the salon get your friends or partner to help you do it at home. It will be well worth it once you are home with baby and don't have the time or energy to shave and prune. If you are able to, get a massage (heck, get regular massages during pregnancy!). Being relaxed and muscle-ache free will feel nice when you are suffering from sleep deprivation. In the early days after bringing your baby home, don't do anything besides be with your baby, sleep (sleep whenever you can!), eat, and shower. Get family and friends to help with meals, cleaning, laundry etc. If you find yourself needing extra support and/or advice and help, don't hesitate to get it. Contact your local Public Health nurse for questions about baby care, breastfeeding, post-partum healing and mental health. There are also many support groups for breastfeeding. These moms are there to help and no question is ever not worth asking! And the most important thing you can do (well, besides sleeping when baby does), is to remind yourself constantly that it will get better, it will get easier and to enjoy your baby because before you know it your kiddo will be all grown-up...
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Quintessence Breastfeeding Challenge
On Saturday, the kids and I went to the Quintessence Breastfeeding Challenge held at the IWK. This event was held to raise awareness about breastfeeding. It was pretty cool when all the babies latched on at the same time. But I was a bit surprised that there were not that many women there. Maybe this is in part due to the fact that Nova Scotia has one of the lowest rates of breastfeeding in Canada. I hope that as time passes the numbers of breastfeeding mothers increase too. Later that day an article appeared on the CBC news website, and boy, oh boy, some of the comments were jaw dropping. I could not believe the ignorance and plain stupidity of some people. If you feel like having a read here's the link "Halifax Babies Latch on for Breastfeeding Event" .
It is so sad to see that there are still people who see breastfeeding as something that needs to be hidden, as something dirty, as something to be ashamed of doing in public. I pray that this kind of attitude soon reaches extinction.
In the meantime, I say to all breastfeeding mothers, do it and do it proudly, whenever, wherever!
It is so sad to see that there are still people who see breastfeeding as something that needs to be hidden, as something dirty, as something to be ashamed of doing in public. I pray that this kind of attitude soon reaches extinction.
In the meantime, I say to all breastfeeding mothers, do it and do it proudly, whenever, wherever!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Isaac's birth story
I can't believe it's been almost 7 weeks since I gave birth to Isaac. It has taken me some time to sit down and write my birth story, mostly because I just didn't really want to think about it too much. But it's always on my mind, it's something that I will never forget. But I think it's important to have the events of those hours somewhere other than only stored in my mind...
In the wee hours of the morning of July 7 I was restless, I just couldn't seem to get settled and sleep. I had of course been having restless sleep for weeks now, but this was different. Also the contractions I had been having for weeks were continuing and maybe getting a bit worse. I finally woke up around 7am and pretty much as soon as I got up, contractions started getting regular, at about 7 min apart. I called my mom and told her I thought this was it. Ken went to work on my promise that I'd call if things got more intense (but he was going to be home at lunch anyway). I got Maddie dressed and we had breakfast. I called my mom and had her on standby. My midwife, Karen, was due to come that morning anyway, but I called her and she said she'd be over around 11am. Well, the contractions continued and kept getting closer apart and more intense. By the time Karen arrived I was having to stop and breathe during a contraction. Ken and my mom made lunch and I could barely eat, but I did. Karen estimated that the baby would arrive before midnight. We were so excited! Well, the pain kept getting stronger. I had the TENS machine on, but it really wasn't working. Karen suspected that Isaac was still posterior so they set up the bean bag on my bed and I laid frontward on it. But it was hard to get through the contractions in that position so I got into the tub. It was heavenly, as heavenly as it can be to get in a tub during full blown labour! By this time the pain was so bad. I had Ken pouring water over my belly during the contractions, and it seemed to help. I also liked it when Ken massaged my lower back. Slowly but surely, the pain was getting worse in my back. I just knew it was going to be one of those awful back labours. Shannon (my doula) arrived around 4pm and she took over helping me in the tub. I was really vocal during contractions. The pressure in my pelvis was so strong, and I was having double contractions, with no break in between. All signs that Isaac was indeed posterior. Well at one point I was moaning so deeply that I scared Karen and she said it was time to go to the hospital. The drive to the hospital was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was still able to breathe through them, but it was so hard. When we got to the hospital we got to our room and Karen checked me and I was 4cm dilated. The next few hours are all blurred together because the pain was so bad. I was in the tub for a long time, it seemed to be the only way to somewhat get through the pain. All I could tell myself was that soon it would be over and I'd have my baby in my arms. Just one contraction at a time...Karen, Ken, Shannon and my L&D nurse Susan were great at keeping me focused. A few times I said to them that I needed something for the pain, but then they were able to re-focus me. Hours went by like this, but I was still only 5-6cm. A couple more hours went by and the pain got worse. I was slipping and I could barely stay focused. I have never felt pain like that. When I was in labour with Maddie, the pain was awful, but it was different. With this labour, the pain was overwhelming. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was only the pain of the contractions, but it was the back pain that made it unbearable. I laid on the bed for a while and Karen checked me again....7cm. At this point I lost it, I yelled, "What the FUCK!!!" I just couldn't believe that all those hours and all that pain only dilated me 1cm!!! I think at this point Karen started to get concerned. My water hadn't broken yet, so she suggested that if she could break it it might help things move faster. But I didn't want her to. I am not sure why. So, the time went on and I really could not take the pain anymore. I made the decision that I needed something for the pain, I just could not do it anymore. I was OK with that decision, it was a deviation from my birth plan, but things so far hadn't really turned out as I thought they would. Little did I know what was to come...
Well, Karen put the order in for the epidural. She came back and said it would be a while. But without my noticing she had told the others that it would be 3 hours because they were in the OR. Thank goodness I didn't notice! Well to help out they started the gas. It made me feel so "drunk". The pain was still there, but it took the edge off, sort of distracted me and I didn't really care. I think another hour passed with the gas. During this time Karen attempted to break my water in the birthing chair. But nothing really happened, no gush of water came. Looking back I think I had very little amniotic fluid left...plus I had had some leaking already when we first arrived at the hospital. Well, thankfully, the anesthetist came in between OR cases and was able to put in the epidural. It took him about 20 min to put the epidural in. It was extremely hard to stay still as the pain was horrendous and the contractions were so close together. But the gas really helped and surprisingly I was able to stay still. He was excellent and did it so smoothly and efficiently (unlike my experience with Maddie). I felt such relief. I could still feel the strong pressure but the back pain was gone. I was hooked up to the monitors and shortly after getting the epidural Isaac's heartrate started to decelerate. I remember watching the monitor and seeing the numbers dropping...100, 80, 60...and thinking, "Oh, that is not good." Laying on my right side seemed to be the best position to keep his heartrate somewhat stable. But the pressure was so bad, and the pain of the contractions was starting to creep in again, and I was still only 8 cm dilated. At this point the OB resident came in to talk with us. She suggested we wait and see what 2 more hours would do with his heartrate, and if it was stable we could start some pitocin to get things going. Slowly, I could see my birth becoming more and more exactly what I had hoped to avoid. The chain effect of medical intervention. And there was of course mention of the possibility of a c-section. I was starting to get a bit scared. After a the couple hours went by, there was little progress and his heartrate was not improving, in fact it was getting worse...still dropping and after going back up at times it was going up higher than it should. The staff OB came in and said she would be OK with me trying to push as I had reached 10cm. But I just didn't have the feeling to push. The pressure was extremely intense, but I just didn't have the urge to push like I remembered with Maddie. I knew something wasn't right. But I pushed. And man, did I push. It was kind of awful actually because I was pushing with all my might and it did nothing. Looking back I think the hour and a half that I pushed is one of the two parts of my labour that I dread remembering. The other part I will get to in a bit.
Well, during all the time I pushed, poor little Isaac was suffering more and more. His heartrate was getting dangerously low and then going up way too high (tachycardia). When all this heartrate stuff began I had told everyone that I wanted Isaac's safety to come first, that I wanted to try to deliver him vaginally, but that if things got scary that I would do anything to keep him safe. So, obviously after pushing for so long accomplished nothing, we rushed to the OR. I remember going down the hall, feeling absolutely terrified. I still had the awfully intense pressure and I could do nothing but keep pushing even as we went down the corridors. Once we got to the OR things happened so fast. I was put on the table, draped up, hooked up to monitors, IV's, and in less than 10 min they were cutting me open. Once the incision was made, Isaac was out in less than 5 mins. He was born at 4:22am. Interestingly, just as the doctor was reaching in to grab him, he flipped and turned breech! So after 40 weeks being head down he came into the world feet first...I wonder if that means anything!? Unfortunately for me, I did not tolerate the surgery well. I vomited throughout the whole thing and I felt like I couldn't breathe the whole time. It was awful and very scary. I didn't know this, but c-sections take forever. The "taking the baby out" part is fast, but the "putting everything back together" part took about an hour or longer, and it was the most horrendous, longest hour of my life. I kept asking, "Are they almost done?" I'm sure everyone got sick of hearing me ask that. The ceiling was somewhat metallic and a bit reflective, so I could see blurry images of what they were doing. It was kind of surreal and scary. At one point I said, "Oh my god I'm going to die, I can't breathe!" Shannon comforted me and whispered in my ear, "You feel that way for a reason sweetie, your uterus is on top of your belly, it's no wonder you feel awful!" I later found out the OB's don't necessarily have to take the uterus out, so I wonder why they did with me? That image is still burned into my memory. But as always, time goes on and eventually I heard the words I'd been waiting to hear, "We are done." Phew...
I was wheeled to the recovery room and Ken, Karen, Shannon and Susan were with me. And for the second time, I did not have my baby with me. There are very few things in the world as awful as not being able to hold your baby after it is born. I was so emotionally drained and devastated, but I just could not allow myself to focus on that. I needed to be strong for myself and my baby. I was numb from the chest down and I was so tired, but I just could not sleep. Ken slept on the bed next to me and Shannon and Karen left at around 5:30am. Susan of course stayed, and kept bringing me ice chips, water and warm blankets cause I could not stop shaking. I was also in awful pain, despite all the pain meds floating around in my blood. So she gave me some Demerol, which didn't help. She was off at 7am and when the morning nurses started shift I developed a fever. So, my new nurse (can't remember her name) called the OB resident and I was given some nasty antibiotics which made me feel so yucky. But better that than get an infection. I was able to call one of the other midwives and get some advice on how to ensure I did everything possible to establish breastfeeding. Plus, she was very comforting and helped to calm me down. At about 7:30am, the nurse got me ready to go see Isaac and take me to my room. The readying process included a not so glamorous wipedown. I'm sure my belly was covered in post-surgery gunk, leftover tape stickies all over my back, plus there's the whole post-partum wonderfulness beginning. I was feeling a mixture of emotions. I was so happy, but I was so mad too. I just could still not believe that my sweet little boy was in the NICU. Once again, we just could not stay away from that place...
But when I first saw him I knew it was all worth it and that he would be OK. Holding him for the first time was amazing. He was perfect and I was in love. Unfortunately, they only let me hold him for a few minutes and I was taken up to my room. For the next few hours I shared a room with a lady who also had her baby in the NICU. I started pumping and all the memories of Maddie's birth came rushing back. Maddie came to visit with my mom and she and Ken went to the NICU to see Isaac. She also was amazed and enthralled by her baby brother! Luckily, they were able to find a private room for us, so once again I was moved. But it was nice to have peace and quite (well, as much as you can get on a busy ward). I asked Ken to go home with Maddie and my mom spent the night with me. I don't think I slept at all. I was in so much pain and just in shock about everything, so I was happy when morning came. I spent day 2 mostly in the NICU. I wanted to nurse Isaac so badly, but the doctors would not let me. They were concerned that because of the oxygen deprivation his bowel could have been affected and cause a rupture if he had to digest food. Of course I understood that, but I also knew that was so unlikely to happen...and that bonding with him was so important. I already felt strange about everything, I needed something positive to begin between me and him. The reality of not having the birth I had expected was slowly starting to sink in and I was angry, not that I wanted to be, but I was. I knew that breastfeeding him would help me and him to feel closer. Needless to say, Ken and I were a bit frustrated with it all. The NICU staff were somewhat patronizing (I remember that with Maddie too). But after a long chat with the doctor she agreed that if I pumped first I could put him to the breast so at least he could start getting used to latching and we could bond more. I knew this was a ludicrous suggestion as I was not really producing much milk yet and pumping would probably only initiate the letdown reflex more, but I went along with it. Anything to get to breastfeed him! I did that at about 10pm, but he was so tired that he didn't really latch on. I was a bit sad, but I knew it would all fall in to place soon enough.
Well, the days turned into weeks and now 7 weeks have gone by. I feel about 90% better. I think the last 10% will take a long time. My incision site is still numb and sore and my muscles protest when I try to sneeze or walk fast or some other things that require my lower abs moving. But it's all OK. I think also I have finally absorbed the reality of everything that happened. In the beginning I couldn't help but feel bitter about the loss of the birth experienced I wanted. Even though I didn't want to feel bitter or mad, I couldn't help it. But we can't change what happens and there are definitely no "what-ifs" so I can't do anything about it. All I care about is that Isaac is here, safe and sound...and I love him oh so very much!
In the wee hours of the morning of July 7 I was restless, I just couldn't seem to get settled and sleep. I had of course been having restless sleep for weeks now, but this was different. Also the contractions I had been having for weeks were continuing and maybe getting a bit worse. I finally woke up around 7am and pretty much as soon as I got up, contractions started getting regular, at about 7 min apart. I called my mom and told her I thought this was it. Ken went to work on my promise that I'd call if things got more intense (but he was going to be home at lunch anyway). I got Maddie dressed and we had breakfast. I called my mom and had her on standby. My midwife, Karen, was due to come that morning anyway, but I called her and she said she'd be over around 11am. Well, the contractions continued and kept getting closer apart and more intense. By the time Karen arrived I was having to stop and breathe during a contraction. Ken and my mom made lunch and I could barely eat, but I did. Karen estimated that the baby would arrive before midnight. We were so excited! Well, the pain kept getting stronger. I had the TENS machine on, but it really wasn't working. Karen suspected that Isaac was still posterior so they set up the bean bag on my bed and I laid frontward on it. But it was hard to get through the contractions in that position so I got into the tub. It was heavenly, as heavenly as it can be to get in a tub during full blown labour! By this time the pain was so bad. I had Ken pouring water over my belly during the contractions, and it seemed to help. I also liked it when Ken massaged my lower back. Slowly but surely, the pain was getting worse in my back. I just knew it was going to be one of those awful back labours. Shannon (my doula) arrived around 4pm and she took over helping me in the tub. I was really vocal during contractions. The pressure in my pelvis was so strong, and I was having double contractions, with no break in between. All signs that Isaac was indeed posterior. Well at one point I was moaning so deeply that I scared Karen and she said it was time to go to the hospital. The drive to the hospital was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was still able to breathe through them, but it was so hard. When we got to the hospital we got to our room and Karen checked me and I was 4cm dilated. The next few hours are all blurred together because the pain was so bad. I was in the tub for a long time, it seemed to be the only way to somewhat get through the pain. All I could tell myself was that soon it would be over and I'd have my baby in my arms. Just one contraction at a time...Karen, Ken, Shannon and my L&D nurse Susan were great at keeping me focused. A few times I said to them that I needed something for the pain, but then they were able to re-focus me. Hours went by like this, but I was still only 5-6cm. A couple more hours went by and the pain got worse. I was slipping and I could barely stay focused. I have never felt pain like that. When I was in labour with Maddie, the pain was awful, but it was different. With this labour, the pain was overwhelming. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was only the pain of the contractions, but it was the back pain that made it unbearable. I laid on the bed for a while and Karen checked me again....7cm. At this point I lost it, I yelled, "What the FUCK!!!" I just couldn't believe that all those hours and all that pain only dilated me 1cm!!! I think at this point Karen started to get concerned. My water hadn't broken yet, so she suggested that if she could break it it might help things move faster. But I didn't want her to. I am not sure why. So, the time went on and I really could not take the pain anymore. I made the decision that I needed something for the pain, I just could not do it anymore. I was OK with that decision, it was a deviation from my birth plan, but things so far hadn't really turned out as I thought they would. Little did I know what was to come...
Well, Karen put the order in for the epidural. She came back and said it would be a while. But without my noticing she had told the others that it would be 3 hours because they were in the OR. Thank goodness I didn't notice! Well to help out they started the gas. It made me feel so "drunk". The pain was still there, but it took the edge off, sort of distracted me and I didn't really care. I think another hour passed with the gas. During this time Karen attempted to break my water in the birthing chair. But nothing really happened, no gush of water came. Looking back I think I had very little amniotic fluid left...plus I had had some leaking already when we first arrived at the hospital. Well, thankfully, the anesthetist came in between OR cases and was able to put in the epidural. It took him about 20 min to put the epidural in. It was extremely hard to stay still as the pain was horrendous and the contractions were so close together. But the gas really helped and surprisingly I was able to stay still. He was excellent and did it so smoothly and efficiently (unlike my experience with Maddie). I felt such relief. I could still feel the strong pressure but the back pain was gone. I was hooked up to the monitors and shortly after getting the epidural Isaac's heartrate started to decelerate. I remember watching the monitor and seeing the numbers dropping...100, 80, 60...and thinking, "Oh, that is not good." Laying on my right side seemed to be the best position to keep his heartrate somewhat stable. But the pressure was so bad, and the pain of the contractions was starting to creep in again, and I was still only 8 cm dilated. At this point the OB resident came in to talk with us. She suggested we wait and see what 2 more hours would do with his heartrate, and if it was stable we could start some pitocin to get things going. Slowly, I could see my birth becoming more and more exactly what I had hoped to avoid. The chain effect of medical intervention. And there was of course mention of the possibility of a c-section. I was starting to get a bit scared. After a the couple hours went by, there was little progress and his heartrate was not improving, in fact it was getting worse...still dropping and after going back up at times it was going up higher than it should. The staff OB came in and said she would be OK with me trying to push as I had reached 10cm. But I just didn't have the feeling to push. The pressure was extremely intense, but I just didn't have the urge to push like I remembered with Maddie. I knew something wasn't right. But I pushed. And man, did I push. It was kind of awful actually because I was pushing with all my might and it did nothing. Looking back I think the hour and a half that I pushed is one of the two parts of my labour that I dread remembering. The other part I will get to in a bit.
Well, during all the time I pushed, poor little Isaac was suffering more and more. His heartrate was getting dangerously low and then going up way too high (tachycardia). When all this heartrate stuff began I had told everyone that I wanted Isaac's safety to come first, that I wanted to try to deliver him vaginally, but that if things got scary that I would do anything to keep him safe. So, obviously after pushing for so long accomplished nothing, we rushed to the OR. I remember going down the hall, feeling absolutely terrified. I still had the awfully intense pressure and I could do nothing but keep pushing even as we went down the corridors. Once we got to the OR things happened so fast. I was put on the table, draped up, hooked up to monitors, IV's, and in less than 10 min they were cutting me open. Once the incision was made, Isaac was out in less than 5 mins. He was born at 4:22am. Interestingly, just as the doctor was reaching in to grab him, he flipped and turned breech! So after 40 weeks being head down he came into the world feet first...I wonder if that means anything!? Unfortunately for me, I did not tolerate the surgery well. I vomited throughout the whole thing and I felt like I couldn't breathe the whole time. It was awful and very scary. I didn't know this, but c-sections take forever. The "taking the baby out" part is fast, but the "putting everything back together" part took about an hour or longer, and it was the most horrendous, longest hour of my life. I kept asking, "Are they almost done?" I'm sure everyone got sick of hearing me ask that. The ceiling was somewhat metallic and a bit reflective, so I could see blurry images of what they were doing. It was kind of surreal and scary. At one point I said, "Oh my god I'm going to die, I can't breathe!" Shannon comforted me and whispered in my ear, "You feel that way for a reason sweetie, your uterus is on top of your belly, it's no wonder you feel awful!" I later found out the OB's don't necessarily have to take the uterus out, so I wonder why they did with me? That image is still burned into my memory. But as always, time goes on and eventually I heard the words I'd been waiting to hear, "We are done." Phew...
I was wheeled to the recovery room and Ken, Karen, Shannon and Susan were with me. And for the second time, I did not have my baby with me. There are very few things in the world as awful as not being able to hold your baby after it is born. I was so emotionally drained and devastated, but I just could not allow myself to focus on that. I needed to be strong for myself and my baby. I was numb from the chest down and I was so tired, but I just could not sleep. Ken slept on the bed next to me and Shannon and Karen left at around 5:30am. Susan of course stayed, and kept bringing me ice chips, water and warm blankets cause I could not stop shaking. I was also in awful pain, despite all the pain meds floating around in my blood. So she gave me some Demerol, which didn't help. She was off at 7am and when the morning nurses started shift I developed a fever. So, my new nurse (can't remember her name) called the OB resident and I was given some nasty antibiotics which made me feel so yucky. But better that than get an infection. I was able to call one of the other midwives and get some advice on how to ensure I did everything possible to establish breastfeeding. Plus, she was very comforting and helped to calm me down. At about 7:30am, the nurse got me ready to go see Isaac and take me to my room. The readying process included a not so glamorous wipedown. I'm sure my belly was covered in post-surgery gunk, leftover tape stickies all over my back, plus there's the whole post-partum wonderfulness beginning. I was feeling a mixture of emotions. I was so happy, but I was so mad too. I just could still not believe that my sweet little boy was in the NICU. Once again, we just could not stay away from that place...
But when I first saw him I knew it was all worth it and that he would be OK. Holding him for the first time was amazing. He was perfect and I was in love. Unfortunately, they only let me hold him for a few minutes and I was taken up to my room. For the next few hours I shared a room with a lady who also had her baby in the NICU. I started pumping and all the memories of Maddie's birth came rushing back. Maddie came to visit with my mom and she and Ken went to the NICU to see Isaac. She also was amazed and enthralled by her baby brother! Luckily, they were able to find a private room for us, so once again I was moved. But it was nice to have peace and quite (well, as much as you can get on a busy ward). I asked Ken to go home with Maddie and my mom spent the night with me. I don't think I slept at all. I was in so much pain and just in shock about everything, so I was happy when morning came. I spent day 2 mostly in the NICU. I wanted to nurse Isaac so badly, but the doctors would not let me. They were concerned that because of the oxygen deprivation his bowel could have been affected and cause a rupture if he had to digest food. Of course I understood that, but I also knew that was so unlikely to happen...and that bonding with him was so important. I already felt strange about everything, I needed something positive to begin between me and him. The reality of not having the birth I had expected was slowly starting to sink in and I was angry, not that I wanted to be, but I was. I knew that breastfeeding him would help me and him to feel closer. Needless to say, Ken and I were a bit frustrated with it all. The NICU staff were somewhat patronizing (I remember that with Maddie too). But after a long chat with the doctor she agreed that if I pumped first I could put him to the breast so at least he could start getting used to latching and we could bond more. I knew this was a ludicrous suggestion as I was not really producing much milk yet and pumping would probably only initiate the letdown reflex more, but I went along with it. Anything to get to breastfeed him! I did that at about 10pm, but he was so tired that he didn't really latch on. I was a bit sad, but I knew it would all fall in to place soon enough.
That evening I was in the NICU so long that I let my IV dry out! My nurse was a bit upset with me, but oh well. She had to put in a new IV line and also give me those yucky antibiotics. Night 2 was also pretty awful. I had to have bloodwork done 2 times during the night, apparently they had to check that the level of the antibiotics was normal, so yeah, I got pricked twice. The first time I was a bit chatty with the tech, but the second time, I just barely could keep my eyes open. Sleeping was so hard because I could barely move and I felt so bloated and sore. So yet again, I was so happy when the sun came up...another night gone by...one day closer to going home. Day three was a bit better. I was able to walk myself to the NICU, I had a shower and I started to eat something other than jello. And much to my delight, when I went to the NICU the nurse told me that Isaac was now able to nurse and depending on how he did he could come up to my room! The first time I nursed him was of course amazing. There is nothing like that feeling of having such a sweet, new little person so close to you. He needed a bit of coaxing to open up wide, but other than that he was a perfect latcher. I was so very relieved that he had no issues. His nurse was going to call me whenever he woke up and was hungry and I went back to my room to rest. The day dragged on. Around the time I expected his nurse to call, my nurse, also named Shannon, came in to tell me that they were actually bringing him up to my room! Yay! So he was finally with me. He was under the UV lights so we couldn't take him out for too long. Also, for some reason, the IWK has this rule that parents can't take out their own baby from the incubator. OK, I can see that maybe some parents would have problems, but I think they should let parents who have been to through the NICU take their own babies out. Anyways, despite the annoyance of having to buzz the nurse every time Isaac wanted to feed, we had a pretty good night and he did pretty well. It was nice to finally get to know our little boy. We found out that he was a squiggly, restless sleeper, always moving around. He actually managed to wiggle his way to the top of his little mattress in the incubator and his head fell off of the pad! Again, I didn't get much sleep.
Morning came and when the OB resident did her rounds I asked if we could go home. She said that she didn't see why not. I was doing well, IV and catheter were gone. Isaac was also doing well, he was out of the incubator and not under the lights anymore. I think that because the ward was so busy, they were happy to let me go and free up the room. Getting everything ready for our discharge took pretty much all day. There was paperwork to fill out, Isaac's newborn screening, his hearing test, and finally we were ready to go. He looked so tiny in his car seat. Walking out of the IWK was pretty surreal. I was still absorbing the whole birth experience, that I couldn't believe we were going home with our baby. He was actually out, he was now a person in this world, no longer in his watery home within me. Coming home was just what the doctor ordered. Ken thought it was a good idea to rent a hospital bed, which turned out he was right. It was the only way I could sleep comfortably. Just as in the hospital, Isaac continued to sleep restlessly, so I just kept him in bed with me and we were able to sleep peacefully, finally. The next days were spent getting to know Isaac and how to best keep him happy and comfortable. I was in constant pain, so I was happy to have my Tylenol 3 and Ibuprofen. But sleep and being home helped and every day I felt a bit better.
Well, the days turned into weeks and now 7 weeks have gone by. I feel about 90% better. I think the last 10% will take a long time. My incision site is still numb and sore and my muscles protest when I try to sneeze or walk fast or some other things that require my lower abs moving. But it's all OK. I think also I have finally absorbed the reality of everything that happened. In the beginning I couldn't help but feel bitter about the loss of the birth experienced I wanted. Even though I didn't want to feel bitter or mad, I couldn't help it. But we can't change what happens and there are definitely no "what-ifs" so I can't do anything about it. All I care about is that Isaac is here, safe and sound...and I love him oh so very much!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Weaning...
After 18 months of breastfeeding, I think we are nearing the end. I have been noticing the last couple of months that Maddie is only nursing for comfort and to fall asleep. This was ok for us when she was younger, but now she's at a stage where it was causing disturbed sleep for the three of us, and it was becoming a problem. Then the last three days she has not nursed at all before bed. I know I am not producing very much milk, I'm sure she is only getting little drops here and there. It's still breastmilk, which is what makes weaning so hard. Weaning is surely the most bittersweet experience I have ever been through. I am so very sad that I won't have those special, quiet moments with Maddie. I am also sad that I won't be giving her breastmilk and all it's healthy components. But, I am also happy to have my body back. Not so much because I minded sharing it with Maddie, but because of the resposibility of having to always be home to nurse her, or having to get up at night to settle her back to sleep. Now, I can share these responsibilites with Ken, which is wonderful because Maddie now also gets to bond with her Daddy. Maddie asks for "nu-nu" at bedtime, but as much as I want to nurse her, I have decided I will continue the weaning process. So I just say, "nu-nu's all gone" and she seems to understand and doesn't ask anymore. About three months ago, I tried to settle her at bedtime without nursing and she had a hysterical fit, so I know that her not getting upset is a good sign and I know she's not taking this hard. We'll take it slow...if she gets too upset I will nurse her, but I am fairly certain that it won't be happening again. I knew this day would come sometime, it's just a bit sad that it's now. My baby is growing so quickly! I cherish the entire 18 months I breastfed my baby girl and I look forward to doing it again sometime in the future.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Breastfeeding on TV
I was touring YouTube this morning and saw two great commercials:
Pro Nursing in Public
Get Ahead in Life
Got me thinking as to why there aren't similar commercials here in Canada....
Also, have you ever wondered why breastfeeding is hardly ever mentioned on TV shows? In movies?
In my musings as a student I have come across breastfeeding statistics and it's pretty sad to see that breastfeeding mothers are not the majority. I hope this is a trend in the midst of changing. In my opinion, pro-breastfeeding groups should be looking for more appealing ways to bring a rise in breastfeeding interest. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from our friends Down-Under.
Pro Nursing in Public
Get Ahead in Life
Got me thinking as to why there aren't similar commercials here in Canada....
Also, have you ever wondered why breastfeeding is hardly ever mentioned on TV shows? In movies?
In my musings as a student I have come across breastfeeding statistics and it's pretty sad to see that breastfeeding mothers are not the majority. I hope this is a trend in the midst of changing. In my opinion, pro-breastfeeding groups should be looking for more appealing ways to bring a rise in breastfeeding interest. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from our friends Down-Under.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Breastfeeding a Toddler
A friend of mine pointed out today that Maddie is ready (or soon to be ready) to be called a toddler. I thought about it for a second...and I realized she's right. She now toddles...which by the way is the cutest thing I've ever seen! She is testing her balance all the time and all she wants to do is walk around, and back and forth, and this way and that. Before I know it she'll be taking her first steps. With all this excitement into the new world of mobility comes immense distraction. Which, when you are breastfeeding proves to be a challenge. I now have a favorite moment to add to the list. Today when I was nursing her in the afternoon she would use her bare feet to touch my chin and try to stick her toes in my mouth. All the while she had a look in her eye, like she was thinking "Ah what a life. I'm drinking my favorite drink and since I cannot use my feet to walk I will use them to poke mommy and make her laugh." And that she did.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Why I love to Breastfeed...
I was looking through the journal I am keeping for Maddie and came across a list I made of why I love to Breastfeed. I started this list when we were going through a particularly rough patch (if I remember correctly it was a growth spurt combined with sleep deprivation and postpartum blues) to remind myself of the reasons why I chose to breastfeed. I though I'd share it.
Why do I love to Breastfeed?
1. Because from the first time ever she latched on, I fell in love all over again with my baby girl. It's a feeling I can't describe. She was so tiny and fragile, barely fitting in my arms. But the fact that I, myself alone, could do something to help her grow made me feel even more attached to her. Together with the way she felt in my arms and to see how she went from a crying baby to a peaceful, serene baby, I knew I was hooked.
2. Because bu-bu's (as me and Maddie like to call the breasts) are a magic weapon. I know that in any circumstance when Maddie is fussy, cranky, overtired, in pain or just in need of comfort, nursing her will fix everything in her little world. It's such an amazing transformation.
3. Because as soon as she knows we are going to nurse she gets so excited and the anticipation in her face is priceless. As soon as she's latched on she melts. It's as if she enters a tranquil place only her and I can go.
4. Because she went from a 4 lbs. baby to an 18lbs+ baby! I am so proud I didn't listen to well-meaning but useless advice some people gave me to start her on formula when she was tiny.
5. Because it has helped me emotionally and physically. With the stress of being an NICU mommy breastfeeding was a life-saver in more ways than one. It helped Maddie do so well and it helped me bond with her and feel like I was actually doing something to help her. Not to mention that I've lost all my pregnancy weight, and more.
6. Because I love being able to rub her little head and caress her little cheeks and soothe her deeper into la-la land.
7. And lastly, just because I love it! I love being a breastfeeding momma and look forward to doing it as long as we can.
Why do I love to Breastfeed?
1. Because from the first time ever she latched on, I fell in love all over again with my baby girl. It's a feeling I can't describe. She was so tiny and fragile, barely fitting in my arms. But the fact that I, myself alone, could do something to help her grow made me feel even more attached to her. Together with the way she felt in my arms and to see how she went from a crying baby to a peaceful, serene baby, I knew I was hooked.
2. Because bu-bu's (as me and Maddie like to call the breasts) are a magic weapon. I know that in any circumstance when Maddie is fussy, cranky, overtired, in pain or just in need of comfort, nursing her will fix everything in her little world. It's such an amazing transformation.
3. Because as soon as she knows we are going to nurse she gets so excited and the anticipation in her face is priceless. As soon as she's latched on she melts. It's as if she enters a tranquil place only her and I can go.
4. Because she went from a 4 lbs. baby to an 18lbs+ baby! I am so proud I didn't listen to well-meaning but useless advice some people gave me to start her on formula when she was tiny.
5. Because it has helped me emotionally and physically. With the stress of being an NICU mommy breastfeeding was a life-saver in more ways than one. It helped Maddie do so well and it helped me bond with her and feel like I was actually doing something to help her. Not to mention that I've lost all my pregnancy weight, and more.
6. Because I love being able to rub her little head and caress her little cheeks and soothe her deeper into la-la land.
7. And lastly, just because I love it! I love being a breastfeeding momma and look forward to doing it as long as we can.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Pork and Breastmilk?
I recently found a great site. It's called The Lactivist. Recently the mom that runs it has been threated with a lawsuit from the US National Pork board because one of the shirts she sells displayed the slogan "The Other White Milk". Anyways, you can read all about it and get all the details here. If you feel inclined to do something to help you can write the people listed in her post, I hope you do. I sure will. It seems a bit ridiculous to compare Pork meat to breastmilk. Especially when the shirt is only sold to raise funds for the Ohio Milk Bank, not to make a personal profit.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
I feel better now...
Well, here's the update and settlement of the story from my previous post.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15772001/
I was happy to see the result, and hope that something like this doesn't happen again. The best is the "nurse-in" organized by those women! That would have been quite the breastfeeding sight!!!
In other news, Maddie is giving me such a hard time going to bed! She just won't settle! I just nursed her for an hour and as soon as I put her in her crib she whines and cries! I burped her, and she seems to be settling down, I hope she goes to SLEEP!!! I am exhausted and want to go to sleep too.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15772001/
I was happy to see the result, and hope that something like this doesn't happen again. The best is the "nurse-in" organized by those women! That would have been quite the breastfeeding sight!!!
In other news, Maddie is giving me such a hard time going to bed! She just won't settle! I just nursed her for an hour and as soon as I put her in her crib she whines and cries! I burped her, and she seems to be settling down, I hope she goes to SLEEP!!! I am exhausted and want to go to sleep too.
Are we in the Victorian Era again or what???
I just read a news story that totally angered me! Read it and see what you think:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15720339/
Ok, so WHAT THE HE*#? What is so wrong with breasfeeding a child in public? I really do not understand why people make such a fuss about it. It's a completely natural and normal thing to do, it's part of life! Sure we don't mind watching sexually graphic music videos on MTV, but when a woman wants to nourish her child, she gets abused and shunned!? I am of the idea that "If you have a problem with nursing in public, put a blanket over YOUR head!" If it bothers you, then DON'T LOOK at the nursing mother! No one is forcing you too! When something like this happens, it really discourages mothers from wanting to nurse. It really makes us feel like we can't go out with our little ones because we worry about where we will be able to feed them. Sure, we are all pro-breastfeeding, but in reality society is actually anti-breastfeeding in many aspects. I've experienced it first hand. In most places there is no where to comfortably sit and nurse your baby. If people want discretion, then provide a place for mother to go and feed their children! People don't eat in bathroom stalls, so why should a baby!!!
I hope something positive comes out from this event, hopefully something that will set precedent for the future and support a woman's right to breastfeed whenever, wherever.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15720339/
Ok, so WHAT THE HE*#? What is so wrong with breasfeeding a child in public? I really do not understand why people make such a fuss about it. It's a completely natural and normal thing to do, it's part of life! Sure we don't mind watching sexually graphic music videos on MTV, but when a woman wants to nourish her child, she gets abused and shunned!? I am of the idea that "If you have a problem with nursing in public, put a blanket over YOUR head!" If it bothers you, then DON'T LOOK at the nursing mother! No one is forcing you too! When something like this happens, it really discourages mothers from wanting to nurse. It really makes us feel like we can't go out with our little ones because we worry about where we will be able to feed them. Sure, we are all pro-breastfeeding, but in reality society is actually anti-breastfeeding in many aspects. I've experienced it first hand. In most places there is no where to comfortably sit and nurse your baby. If people want discretion, then provide a place for mother to go and feed their children! People don't eat in bathroom stalls, so why should a baby!!!
I hope something positive comes out from this event, hopefully something that will set precedent for the future and support a woman's right to breastfeed whenever, wherever.
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