My Taboo Topic

This past Sunday, I went to a birth workshop...specifically it was a workshop led by an amazing woman who is, among many things, a Birthing From Within Mentor. The goal was for participants to undergo a healing process: healing from previous birth experiences. Since Elsa's birth, I have known that I needed to do a lot of emotional and mental healing. Actually, also since Isaac's birth. I've made progress, but now that I'm a doula I want to do all I can to not carry around my trauma and pass it on to other women.

My true feelings and emotions regarding my birth experiences are not something I openly talk(ed) about, because I didn't feel like it. It was my taboo topic when it came to interacting with most people. But now, I feel I have come far in the healing process and am nearing being ready to share more openly. My first breakthrough moment with this was when I presented aspects of my experiences to an audience full of {mostly} strangers at the Body Monologues event last month.

After Sunday's workshop I think I will very soon be ready to write about my two most recent births, and all the stuff that I've experienced because of them. I actually have a few posts in draft mode that I will have to dig out, finally!

At the end of the workshop I asked, "So what's next!? How do I know I am healed!?" It was partly a rhetorical question, but her answer really did help me see that this is a process. It may be a lifelong process, it may not. What's important is that I stop blaming myself {and others} and stop trying to fix what can't be fixed. Because what happened is what happened and what needed to happen.

Ha, that's a tall order for a somewhat control-freak!

But, I do feel good. I feel peaceful.

The healing flood gates have opened and I look forward to feeling better and better!

My beautiful {preemie} girl

My Maddie was born premature. She arrived into this world at only 32 weeks and 6 days, despite all the efforts to keep her in for longer.

Today is National Prematurity Awareness Day and I'd like to share her birth and NICU story.

Isaac's Birth Story

I can't believe it's been almost 7 weeks since I gave birth to Isaac. It has taken me some time to sit down and write my birth story, mostly because I just didn't really want to think about it too much. But it's always on my mind, it's something that I will never forget. But I think it's important to have the events of those hours somewhere other than only stored in my mind...