Namaste

Welcome to the October 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Instilling a Healthy Self-Image
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared confessions, wisdom, and goals for helping children love who they are. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Came across this picture the other day
I thought it was so appropriate for this month's carnival!

"I'm not beautiful. I'm ugly."

Every time I hear her say that, my heart breaks.

She's only 6 years old. And already, somewhere, somehow she's picked that up.

Don't get me wrong, she doesn't go around saying this all the time.

But I do notice when she's having a hard time emotionally, or if we've had a particularly rough day, she's more prone to the negative self-talk.

Usually, it's also accompanied with things like: "You don't love me" or "I don't love you."...you get the idea.

And I believe it's usually related to feeling scared, unsure or upset in some way.

I tend to react the same way when I'm having a hard time, but I've contemplated the idea that perhaps this isn't normal behaviour for a teensy girl.

But then I remember the world we live in.

And what's not normal is what our teensy girls are exposed to on a regular basis.

Everywhere we go, we are exposed to images of women as sex symbols, depicting today's supposed standard of "beautiful". Magazine covers at the grocery store. DVD and CD covers on display racks. Movie posters. Floor to ceiling poster ads for clothing stores as you walk through the mall. Not to mention, the images of women in bra stores.

We may not even realize we are being exposed to these images. It's not like we go around saying, "Oh there's another image portraying a woman as a sex symbol and which is meant for me to subconsciously file as what is considered "beautiful" by today's standards." The passive nature of advertisement ensures that you just glance at it, it's in your brain and there it sits waiting for a trigger to remind you of it.

Perhaps the trigger is when someone comments on your "funny" clothes, or your "different" hair, or when someone comment on your physical appearance without really knowing you,without mentioning or bothering to find out about all your other personality traits or skills.

And if you are already a grown-up who has had to work through all this and somehow managed to come out the other end with a healthy self-esteem, then these images may not affect you as much. You may think, "Wow, she's gorgeous" or "Nice, I look just like her!"

But that's hardly all of us. For some reason or another, many of us do sometimes feel "un-beautiful". But is this something that begins at 6 years old? And if so, why?

I will admit that I often look at my daughter and think to myself, "Holy shit, she is so beautiful. I hope she doesn't turn into a "mean girl". I hope she doesn't let it "go to her head". I hope she has good skin when she's a teenager. I hope her nose doesn't get too big. I hope she is a healthy weight...."

{Thankfully, I have never, ever let these thoughts slip past my speaking filter.}

And I catch myself. And I step back for a moment and reflect on my thoughts. And I decide I want it better, for me and for my daughters.

I want them to know people are beautiful for many more reasons that the way they look. I want them to be able to see beyond appearances, at the person within.

Namaste. The light in me sees the light in you.

I want them to know they are beautiful. Not because of the way they look, but because of their hearts, full of love, and joy and compassion. Because they are intelligent, thoughtful and kind. Because they care. Because they are exactly who they are.

I want to help them build a positive self-image in a grassroots sort of way.

As an infant, I tended to her needs, I accepted her, I held her close, I loved her.

As a toddler, I believed in her, I encouraged her, I taught her and I listened to her.

As a preschooler, I guided her and I let her explore and lead the way in her learning and interests.

And now as a school-aged kiddo, I continue to do all of the above, and I can see how her little personality has grown and thrived and how she knows she is loved.

But sadly, I can also see how societal influences are beginning to creep their way in...and the questions she asks, and the comments she sometimes make, reflect that she is picking up on certain things.

I just hope that our connection and our relationship continues to be the place she returns to, that she finds safe and accepting.

Even though it breaks my heart to hear her say "I'm not beautiful", to me it's also a sign that she does feel safe with me. That she does feel she can tell me anything, that I will listen, give her space to let it all out and not just try to cover it up with a "yes you are, look at yourself" and move on. And that she knows I am there to help her work that all out.

It is my greatest wish that my children know that to me they are beautiful and loved and accepted, always and forever, no matter what.

I know all I can do is love her, believe in her and accept her and hope that's enough to one day send her out into the real world.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by afternoon October 9 with all the carnival links.)

• Why I Walk Around Naked — Meegs at A New Day talks about how she embraces her own body so that her daughter might embrace hers.
• What I Am Is Not Who I Am — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses her views on the importance of modeling WHO she is for her daughter and not WHAT she sees in the mirror.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Verbs vs. Adjectives — Alisha at Cinnamon & Sassafras tries hard to compliment what her son does, not who he is.
• The Naked Family — Sam at Love Parenting talks about how nudity and bodily functions are approached in her home.
• How She'll See Herself — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis discusses some of the challenges of raising a daughter in our culture and how she's hoping to overcome them.
• Self Esteem and all it's pretty analogies — Musings from Laura at Pug in the Kitchen on what she learned about self-esteem in her own life and how it applies to her parenting.
• Beautiful — Tree at Mom Grooves writes about giving her daughter the wisdom to appreciate her body and how trying to be a role model taught Tree how to appreciate her own.
• Do As I Say, Not As I Do: Nurturing A Healthy Body Image — Christy at Eco Journey in the Burbs is changing perceptions about her body so that she may model living life with a positive, healthy body image for her three young daughters.
• Some{BODY} to Love — Kate Wicker has faced her own inner demons when it comes to a poor body image and even a clinical eating disorder, and now she wants to help her daughters to be strong in a world that constantly puts girls at risk for losing their true selves. This is Kate's love letter to her daughters reminding them to not only accept their bodies but to accept themselves as well in every changing season of life.
• They Make Creams For That, You Know — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about celebrating her natural beauty traits, especially the ones she passed onto her children.
• New Shoes for Mama — Kellie of Our Mindful Life, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, is getting some new shoes, even though she is all grown up…
• Raising boys with bodily integrity — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants her boys to understand their own bodily autonomy — so they'll respect their own and others'.
• Sowing seeds of self-love in our children — After struggling to love herself despite growing up in a loving family, Shonnie at Heart-Led Parenting has suggestions for parents who truly want to nurture their children's self-esteem.
• Subtle Ways to Build a Healthy Self-Image — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM discusses the little things she and her husband do every day to help their daughter cultivate a healthy self-image.
• On Barbie and Baby Bikinis: The Sexualization of Young Girls — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger finds it difficult to keep out the influx of messages aimed at her young daughters that being sexy is important.
• Undistorted — Focusing on the beauty and goodness that her children hold, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children watches them grow, loved and undistorted.
• Off The Hook — Arpita at Up, Down and Natural sheds light on the journey of infertility, and how the inability to get pregnant and stay pregnant takes a toll on self image…only if you let it. And that sometimes, it feels fantastic to just let yourself off the hook.
• Going Beyond Being An Example — Becky at Old New Legacy discusses three suggestions on instilling healthy body image: positivity, family dinners, and productivity.
• Raising a Confident Kid — aNonymous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways she's trying to raise a confident daughter and to instil a healthy attitude to appearance and self-image.
• Instilling a Healthy Self Image — Laura at This Mama's Madness hopes to promote a healthy self-image in her kids by treating herself and others with respect, honesty, and grace.
• Stories of our Uniqueness — Casey at Sesame Seed Designs looks for a connection to the past and celebrates the stories our bodies can tell about the present.
• Helping My Boy Build a Healthy Body Image — Lyndsay at ourfeminist{play}school offers readers a collection of tips and activities that she uses in her journey to helping her 3-year-old son shape a healthy body image.
• Eat with Joy and Thankfulness: A Letter to my Daughters about Food — Megan at The Boho Mama writes a letter to her daughters about body image and healthy attitudes towards food.
• Helping Our Children Have Healthy Body Images — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares information about body image, and her now-adult daughter tells how she kept a healthy body image through years of ballet and competitive figure skating.
• Namaste — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares how at barely 6 years old, her daughter has begun to say, "I'm not beautiful." And while it's hard to listen to, she also sees it as a sign her daughter is building her self-image in a grassroots kind of way.
• 3 Activities to Help Instill a Healthy Self-Image in Your Child — Explore the changing ideals of beauty, create positive affirmations, and design a self-image awareness collage. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares these 3 ideas + a pretty affirmation graphic you can print and slip in your child's lunchbox.
• Beautiful, Inside and Out — It took a case of adult-onset acne for Kat of MomeeeZen to find out her parenting efforts have resulted in a daughter that is truly beautiful, inside and out.
• Mirroring Positive Self Image for Toddlers — Shannon at GrowingSlower reflects on encouraging positive self image in even the youngest members of the family.
• How I hope to instill a healthy body image in my two girls — Raising daughters with healthy body image in today's society is no small task, but Xela at The Happy Hippie Homemaker shares how choosing our words carefully and being an example can help our children learn to love their bodies.
• Self Image has to Come from Within — Momma Jorje shares all of the little things she does to encourage healthy attitudes in her children, but realizes she can't give them their self images.
• Protecting the Gift — JW from True Confessions of a Real Mommy wants you to stop thinking you need to boost your child up: they think they are wonderful all on their own.
• Learning to Love Myself, for my Daughter — Michelle at Ramblings of Mitzy addresses her own poor self-image.
• Nurturing An Innate Sense of Self — Marisa at Deliberate Parenting shares her efforts to preserve the confidence and healthy sense of self they were born with.
• Don't You Love Me, Mommy?: Instilling Self-Esteem in Young Children After New Siblings Arrive — Jade at Seeing Through Jade Glass But Dimly hopes that her daughter will learn to value herself as an individual rather than just Momma's baby
• Exercising is FUN — Amy W. at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work talks about modeling for her children that exercising is FUN and good for body and soul.
• Poor Little Chicken — Kenna at A Million Tiny Things gets her feathers ruffled over her daughter's clothing anxiety.
• Loving the skin she's in — Mama Pie at Downside Up and Outside In struggles with her little berry's choice not to celebrate herself and her heritage.
• Perfect the Way I Am — Erika at Cinco de Mommy struggles — along with her seven-year-old daughter — at telling herself she's perfect just the way she is.

It Could Be Political, It Usually Is

I'm sure you've seen it. The TIME Magazine cover photo, with the instigator title: "Are You Mom Enough?"

I also have a huge issue with the way Attachment Parenting is being portrayed in the many related articles put out by TIME...and the video of journalist Kate Pickert where she puts forth a very incorrect explanation of Attachment Parenting.
The Internet is buzzing with responses, arguments, agreeing, disagreeing...it's enough to drive anyone bonkers!

In my humble opinion, I think that it's no mistake or coincidence that:

• This article was released right in the thick of a presidential campaign with such important {hot button} issues such as women's reproductive rights, healthcare issues and gay rights...
• Attachment Parenting was portrayed as an extremist parenting approach, seemingly further marginalizing {and somewhat radicalizing} those who follow this parenting approach and further dividing the different "parenting camps".

TIME knew exactly what they were doing: adding fuel to the fire of the "Mommy Wars".

But why? And why now? {Also, WTH, just around the corner from it being Mother's Day!?}

Well first, this kind of sensationalism sells.

But it's got to be more than that.

Kate says it in her video: more and more parents are adopting the practices of Attachment Parenting.

Slowly but surely society's view on a lot of things is changing. Parenting included.

And perhaps that's the "problem": Change.

There's a lot of change going on and even more to come!

Parents who practice AP, typically also follow other practices that most definitely question conventional ways of doing things. And this questioning of the usual way of doing things results in "free-thinkers".

Think about it: if more and more people parented from an Attachment Parenting standpoint, there would be some major changes in how we do things. And this change would translate into a major social and corporate upheaval. Think: less formula-and-real-maternity-leaves kind of change.

Perhaps this article was written as a political move to make this parenting approach seem undesirable, weird and extreme. To make it out to be muddy water, trickling its way into the clear pools of conventional parenting. To mask the real underlying truth: that parents are becoming more and more informed, aware and are demanding change.

So, in an effort to quench this societal revolution, they pit parents, particularly Mothers against each other to keep them busy squabbling over breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc. To keep them distracted from the bigger, overarching issues and the surmounting movement that is propelling this change.

Well I say, let's not let political tactics fueling the "Mommy Wars" work. Let's not get distracted from out goal and lose momentum. Let's keep moving forward, onward and upward towards a better society. Let's respect each other, respect our children, respect our Earth and demand change for the better!

But what do I know...?

I'm just a free-thinking, unconventional Mama.

Wink.

My Taboo Topic

This past Sunday, I went to a birth workshop...specifically it was a workshop led by an amazing woman who is, among many things, a Birthing From Within Mentor. The goal was for participants to undergo a healing process: healing from previous birth experiences. Since Elsa's birth, I have known that I needed to do a lot of emotional and mental healing. Actually, also since Isaac's birth. I've made progress, but now that I'm a doula I want to do all I can to not carry around my trauma and pass it on to other women.

My true feelings and emotions regarding my birth experiences are not something I openly talk(ed) about, because I didn't feel like it. It was my taboo topic when it came to interacting with most people. But now, I feel I have come far in the healing process and am nearing being ready to share more openly. My first breakthrough moment with this was when I presented aspects of my experiences to an audience full of {mostly} strangers at the Body Monologues event last month.

After Sunday's workshop I think I will very soon be ready to write about my two most recent births, and all the stuff that I've experienced because of them. I actually have a few posts in draft mode that I will have to dig out, finally!

At the end of the workshop I asked, "So what's next!? How do I know I am healed!?" It was partly a rhetorical question, but her answer really did help me see that this is a process. It may be a lifelong process, it may not. What's important is that I stop blaming myself {and others} and stop trying to fix what can't be fixed. Because what happened is what happened and what needed to happen.

Ha, that's a tall order for a somewhat control-freak!

But, I do feel good. I feel peaceful.

The healing flood gates have opened and I look forward to feeling better and better!

A Step Beyond My Comfort Zone

A few months ago, I was contacted by a PR rep for Maureen Healy founder of Growing Happy Kids. Maureen has written a new book that is due to be released in early April and she wondered if I would be interested in reading an advanced copy and hosting a review/giveaway. I am usually one to shy away from reviews/giveaways, mostly because I never really intended to use my blog for that sort of thing, but mostly because it's beyond my comfort zone. But that's the thing about comfort zones, sometimes they aren't really comforting, but are just ties we use to hold us back from growing, from trying new things, from learning and from finding out what we are capable of.

So I took a look at the Growing Happy Kids website to learn more and I knew in my heart that this would be a wonderful opportunity! I emailed back with a resounding yes! And I'm so glad I did. Spoiler alert: the book is amazing and you are gonna want to read it too!

I wanted to write this today to let you all know that near the end of the week I will be posting the review of the book and details on the giveaway.  So please stay tuned!

Your Life Changes

Having a baby changes your life. That's the truth, simply stated. To believe or to think otherwise and try to hold onto your previous, child-free lifestyle, will only drive you to insanity and misery. I admit that I get sad when I hear or read about people trying to hold onto the lifestyle of their child-less days. Instead of welcoming the wonderful changes and blessings that come from adding a little one to the family, they miss out on them by fighting against the inevitable and necessary changes that happen when a baby makes three. Instead, I say we should focus on nurturing the bond with our babies--on creating a strong foundation that is the beginning of our relationship together.

Alright, so what are these changes..? Well here are a few {this is by no means an all-encompassing list, just the major ones--at least in our experience}.

Once your little bundle of joy arrives you can forget about:

Sleeping--never again will sleep be the same. You will sleep, but it won't be the blissful sleep of your child-free days. Even when your kiddo is old enough and sleeping through the night, you will still wake up early or during the night--and even on days when you can sleep in till whenever, your body is now used to getting little sleep that you just can't sleep past 8am. Go figure. Accept that you will no longer sleep for long stretches at a time, at least until you are an empty-nester {because I'm sure even when your kiddos are older--say, teenagers--you will be awake wondering if they are being safe at that party they went to}.

Having uninterrupted or extended time to do things you previously had all the time in the world to do...such as reading, having baths and/or showers, surfing the web, writing, blogging, practicing yoga, exercising, cooking, baking, watching TV, going to movies...etc. etc...you get the point. You will be able to do these things you enjoy, but they will never be at the ideal times or you will be interrupted or will have to postpone {till further notice}. And you just have to be OK with that, because you now have a baby! And you modify your life to include your baby, and you begin to do things {and get to like new things} that you can do with your baby.

Having intimate time with your partner {and not necessarily just sex, but also just spending those nice, peaceful moments together, snuggled up and talking about whatever}. You will be able to spend time together--but it will not be in the ideal place or the ideal time--and maybe not as often as you'd ideally want. But you make it work and you should try to make it work {for your and your partner's sanity!}. But that's OK, because you now have a baby that will bring so much happiness and laughter to your life and will bring you and your partner closer together. You are now a team {even more so than you were before}. Trust me, those cute little toes and those huge baby smiles are a sure-fire way to make you love your partner more {especially in the middle of the night and your groggy partner offers to change the diaper and you hear him saying to your baby, "Oh look at your cute little toes!!!"}.

Having a tidy house. It's pointless to keep things organized. Sure you can start off with a specific place for this toy or that puzzle. And all your baby books may be neatly organized on a shelf. But as soon as your kiddo starts doing things on their own, the perfect-looking playroom is gone. Trying to fight against the organized chaos of children will only make you feel overwhelmed and frustrated. I'm still working on this one. I want my kiddos to know about organizing and keeping things tidy, but there's a time and place for everything. For now we have designated baskets and bins and it's up to them {mostly} where their toys go. After all, when they are looking for a toy to play with, they have to be able to know where they put it last. As for the rest of your house, well, do your best to keep it in a state you are happy with {notice I didn't say "try to keep it as clean as possible"?}. It's your house, so do what you have to do to make it a place you are happy in. If mess doesn't bother you, great, you have more time to play with your kiddos and/or go read that book you want to or surf the web. If you like it to be clean and tidy, then spend the time you'd otherwise be reading or surfing to scrub a toilet or vacuum the floor {keep in mind that babywearing is awesome because you can spend time with baby AND clean, if that's you're cup of tea--like it is mine--remember I'm a bit of a clean-freak}. Also, enlist the help of your partner and/or family, it's OK to ask for help to do a load of laundry or wash dishes or even clean the floors. Remember you're a team. And if you are overwhelmed with children and their stuff and their mess and would rather spend your time otherwise, hire cleaners. It's so worth it.

Having peaceful, quiet meals. Long-gone are the days when you can sit and have an adult conversation over dinner. Your table is now shared with kiddos and things will need to get silly to be fun! They will cry, babble or talk and interrupt incessantly. They will require help eating and sometimes have tantrums at the table. So be it. It's all part of the deal, but I would advice to not give up on the family meal. Instead of throwing sitting-at-the-table-for-a meal out the window, persist, and use it as an opportunity to teach your kiddos by example. Soon enough things will calm down and you'll reap the rewards from the time you put into teaching the importance of the family meal.

Wearing your trendy, sexy clothes. Well, this isn't all true. You can find clothes that still look fab and allow you to chase after kiddos, or breastfeed. But it can be tricky to find mama-friendly fashions. So be prepared to give them up {for a while} and be OK with it. Definitely be OK to give up your high-heeled shoes. They will no longer be comfy for you and you certainly can't have real fun at the playground in them.

But the thing that changes the most is you. And that's exactly how it should be. Having a baby is an enlightening experience, if you let it be. It challenges you to be a better person and is the ultimate journey of personal development. Loving a little person so unconditionally opens your heart--it floods forward the empathy within you, it awakens an inner wisdom and if you let it, lets you experience life through new eyes--through the innocent-life-loving eyes of your child. However, I am not saying that you have to give-up who you are or the things you love. It's still important for you to maintain your Self-Care and to make sure you do what's necessary to prevent getting burnt-out. But there is a way to do this, while still enjoying parenthood and building the bond with your baby.

So, welcome the many life changes that occur and relish your new place in the world of parenting!

Just a little poke...

I have been meaning to write about the vaccine dilemma I've been having this time around. When Isaac was born I questioned the routine immunizations. I read a lot and though a lot. The best book I came across was The Vaccine Book by Dr. Bob Sears. It was straightforward and provided the pros and cons of each disease and it's corresponding vaccine. In the end, I decided to do the 2, 4, and 6 months vaccinations as per the recommended schedule. I delayed the MMR and chickenpox...and in fact, Isaac has still not received those vaccines and I don't plan on him to get them for a long time yet. Here in Canada the vaccine schedule contains way less vaccines than in the U.S.A. So he only received 2 vaccines at each appointment. The DTaP is combined with HIB and Polio in a vaccine called Pentacel. The other one is the Pc vaccine, called Prevnar. Both of these contain aluminum (which is what I was concerned about), but for some reason I felt OK about it with Isaac and he got all his vaccines up until 6 months. Thankfully, he did not appear to have any reactions or long-term effects.

And I say appear on purpose because a lot of the reading I have done and the information I have gathered points to the possibility that perhaps we don't have the whole picture when it comes to vaccines (or at least some vaccines). The truth is that children do sometimes get reactions. Some are considered mild, as in a rash, redness at the injection site or perhaps are a bit cranky or irritable. Other reactions are more concerning, such as lethargy and possible neurological effects. This is were it starts to bother me. More concerning is the fact that because there are no long-term studies looking at a vaccinated group against a non-vaccinated group of children, we just don't know how many children or which children get serious reactions or suffer long-term injuries from vaccines. Yes, it's true that these reactions are rare, but they do happen. Not to mention that there is a also the possibility that some vaccines may be related to certain autoimmune diseases.

Oi! As if being a parent wasn't hard enough!

In my internal debate, the rare possibility of a side-effect from vaccines was weighed against the possibility of my breastfed-not-in-daycare baby catching one of these illnesses. The chances are also very low that she will catch anything serious in her first six months (when diseases such as HIB, pertussis and Pc are most dangerous). However, I decided that I could not take the risk that she might get sick with something serious, that is also preventable. So I decided to vaccinate her in the same way I did for Isaac.

But this time around I followed Dr. Bob Sears' suggestion to only give one aluminum containing vaccine at a time. When I asked our family doctor about this she said she had not heard about aluminum being a concern.  But I know there are many studies discussing and linking neurological damage to injected aluminum. So I still opted to only give her the Pentacel and next month we will give her the Prevnar...and continue to do one per month until she gets all her doses. The MMR will also wait till she's older. Our doctor didn't object, though I could tell she was being very placating. Oh well. I am glad I stood my ground and didn't feel pressured to go against what I wanted. She did give me a very convincing and reassuring talk about the safety of vaccines, but if she hadn't heard or read about the concerns on aluminum how can I trust the assurance she has on their safety, when she might not have all the info? And that's the thing...doctors are not trained in medical school to question vaccines. In fact, they don't really receive any information on how vaccines are made, or their possible adverse effects. So for me, asking my doc about it isn't all that reassuring.

After Elsa's first dose of Pentacel, she became very irritable and fussy. She didn't seem to want to nurse, she would latch on and pop off over and over at every feed. Tylenol didn't seem to help. Of course, I wondered if this might be related to the vaccine or teething or getting sick? Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. It's just impossible to know because we can't ask them how they are feeling and where it hurts. But I will say that my gut tells me it was from the vaccine.Also, it has now been 1 week and she's still teething, but that irritability and fussiness is gone. She is nursing better (even though she's still at the same stage of teething) and she isn't sick. She just wasn't herself this last week...and now she's back to her happy-go-lucky self. Now I am not sure how I feel about her next dose! Maybe I will wait a bit longer between doses to allow for her body to process the vaccine and its ingredients.

I wish they had a pertussis-only vaccine. It's really the only disease that worries me at this age. But alas, that vaccine does not exist yet.

Coincidentally {just how synchronicity seems to happen!!! And what finally prompted me to write this post!}, yesterday I came across this video. It's a new documentary on the vaccination debate. It's very well done, in my opinion.

Currently, it's streaming for free on Vimeo, but I'm not sure for how long. Anywhoo, here is the link: The Greater Good.


I am not writing this to start a fight on this issue, I just wanted to share my thought process on what I decided to do with my daughter. And maybe in doing so, provide some info to other parents. And I should clarify that I am not anti-vaccine. I do think that they have been important and have been part of the reason our children get sick less nowadays. But, I also think that there's more to the issue of simply vaccinating or not. I wish there was better data being collected to really solidify the safety {or non-safety} of vaccines. I think it's important for parents and doctors to be provided with information on this so they can make the decision that's right for the child.

Random Monday Thoughts

Isaac went down for his nap surprisingly easy. I got him ready, put him in his crib, sang him a song and said "Good Nap, I love you", left his room, heard him say, "No, no, I don't want to go to sleep." but have not heard a peep since. He's a silly boy...he is so tired and fights it most days, but today it was a peaceful event. He's cutting his 2 year molars {finally} and I know that has been contributing to his behaviour recently. On Sunday at nap time, he called out, "Daddy, Daddy, come! Something's happening in here!" and pointed to his mouth. Ken checked and sure enough he has cut the two bottom ones...surely the top ones are on their way too.

We had some dear friends over for supper on Saturday and it was so fun. I always feel slightly embarrassed when people tell me I'm good at being a Mama...and coming from my friend was no exception. I replied, "I'm certainly not perfect. I do lose it sometimes and I have been known to yell." My friend said, "I don't believe it" and asked Maddie lightheartedly, "Does your Mommy yell at you?" She smiled and shook her head and said, "Nope." The truth is I do yell sometimes. Like when Isaac has hit Elsa or Maddie for the umpteenth time or when they get into something I've repeatedly said not to touch. But it melted my heart to hear Maddie saying that I didn't. When I prodded her further on her response she said she felt I never yelled at her. I suppose I interpret this to mean she doesn't feel hurt on those occasions when I have yelled. I don't know what I'm trying to say here...I suppose it's just that this is the first time someone has asked my daughter about me third hand...and it was interesting for me to hear her response of how she views me. Perhaps she was in a good mood and on another occasion if she was asked the same question she would produce a different answer!?!? Who knows, but I do believe and have experienced first hand how much kiddos live in the present...so in that very moment all was well in her little world and she had a Mommy who never yells.

Elsa's been a bit fussy lately. She doesn't settle calmly after her 4am feed and is restless, and I don't get to sleep, even though she's sleeping. It might be gas, but maybe she's teething. She has been very drooly and chewing on her hands like crazy. Who knows! I just hope I can find a trick to help her sleep more peacefully in those early morning hours, because I can't be awake from 4am onward when I have 2 other kiddos to take care of! I'm thinking a bottle of Chamomile tea will be on my nightstand tonight.

I have no idea why I feel this way, but I miss being pregnant. Crazy, I know. This is a topic for a whole other {long} post, but how am I ever going to say and feel I am done having babies? I remember being a little girl and dreaming of the day I would have my own babies. I am so blessed and beyond grateful for my beautiful kiddos, but I don't know how to turn off that innate feeling of wanting to bear and raisechildren. Who or what turns that off? Does it ever turn off?

Well, that's all the time I have. Isaac and Elsa are sleeping {the latter in a ring sling on my chest} so maybe I should try to get some ZZZ's or at least close and rest my eyes for a few minutes.

The Freedom to Choose

This is a conversation that happened last night between Maddie and I...for some reason she always seems to bring up important topics right before bed!

Maddie: Mama, I don't think I'll go to school anymore.
Me: Why?
Maddie: Because the teachers always tell us what to do and I don't have any freedom to choose. And I don't want to be like all the other kids. I want to be me and do what I want to do.

Holy crap! I was totally awestruck that these words came out of my 5 year old's mouth. What do you say to that? Because she's absolutely, 100% right. School is totally about conforming, and obviously {somehow} she is picking up on that. Don't get me wrong, she is loving the experience. She enjoys going, she's made some friends and she's doing well in the classroom. But somewhere inside her little heart and mind she knows and feels something is not jiving with the way we've raised her. We always give her a choice. We always respect her point of view and consider it when making decisions. Obviously a teacher with almost 30 kids in her class cannot do this.

So what do we do?

I replied to her statement by saying: Well Maddie, I totally understand how you feel. But you can still be yourself even though you are around so many kids. And you can still do things your way, while still following your teachers instructions. Like if they tell you to colour a picture, you do what they say but you use the colours you want and make the picture the way you want.

That's all I could muster at that point. And she seemed content with that answer.

But I think Ken and I have some serious talking to do.

Are there any other options? I know homeschool is one...but I just don't know if that's the way to go for us. Unschooling? Private school? Or do we keep her where she is and just encourage her to keep expressing herself and to exert her freedom of choice whenever {as much as} possible...?

Oh the joys of parenting!

Barefoot and Pregnant {and in the Kitchen}

This afternoon I found myself standing in my kitchen cooking, barefoot and very pregnant, listening to my two beautiful children laughing and playing together in the next room. I had to laugh at the old saying because in all honesty, there's no where else I would have rather been.

My Return to Yoga

I've been a real slacker lately in practicing yoga. Getting to a class is nearly impossible, but there's nothing really stopping me from practicing yoga at home! So finally last night I decided to get back to it. I am getting close to the BIG day and I want my mind and body to be as ready as they can be for birthing day!

All I really wanted to say was that I am sore today. Not in the places I thought I would be (i.e., hamstrings) but mostly in my groin! Yikes! It's a good thing I am getting back to it now, seems like I really need it!

Switcheroo?

I love my OB. She's supportive and knowledgeable and I trust her. However, the chances of having her be the one to attend the birth are slim to none. She is in a group of about 20 OB's. Plus I'm due in the summer and there are vacations to consider.

I haven't really thought too much about this detail. I always just pictured her being there. But the reality of the situation is creeping up as I near the last stretch of pregnancy.

I wonder now...

Should I take my chances and see who is on call the day I go into labour?

Or...

Do I ask my OB to transfer me to a smaller practice group?

My only concern with staying with the large OB group is that I am a VBAC candidate and perhaps they may not ALL be as supportive as my OB is (and she's supportive, but just barely...she is a high risk OB after all and her threshold for "stuff", i.e. possible complications, is probably lower).

I have an appointment with her next week. I am going to bring this issue up and see what her opinion is on switching care providers.

I have this fanciful, impossible, daydream that she will just say, "Oh don't worry! Just page me when you go into labour and I will come in, even if I'm not on call that day!"

Hahaha! Fat chance!

Wondering How

My life has been circling around pregnancy, coughs and colds, and major life decisions. And all this is not helping the fact that time is going by way too fast.

In all honesty I have not really allowed myself to think too much about just how much my life is about to change. But there are only approx 3 months left of this pregnancy. That's not a lot of time!

Every time I find myself in the middle of managing a kiddo crises I think to myself, "How the hell am I going to manage when there's a newborn crying to be fed thrown in the mix!?"

How?

One of my dearest friends (who is a mother of 3) assures me it will be fine and I will figure things out and the kiddos will too.

I hope so.

All I can do for now is talk to the kiddos about what sorts of things are going to change and assure them that even though there will be change, and my attention will be spread over 3 kiddos, it doesn't mean I will love them any less.

Anyways, it's good to have that off my chest.

There's a whole lot of other stuff I need to get off my chest too, but I'm out of time. I recently promised myself I would stop going to bed so late as I was not getting enough sleep {not a good thing heading into the hardest and most uncomfortable weeks of pregnancy}.

So off to bed I go!

I Need...

I had a moment of deep reflection this afternoon where all sorts of things that have been swirling around in my heart and my head finally became clear. I realized that these past few months I have totally thrown the balance I had going way off. I used to take at least 2 evenings a week to go to a yoga class and I was visiting with friends, and taking the time to replenish. Lately I have not been replenishing really. It all started with the first trimester exhaustion and nausea...then the bleeding that put a stop to all exercise and stressful activity. Well then that was over, but then came a whole other bunch of concerns that took a toll physically and emotionally. Then the kiddos have been sick on and off and I have just been feeling like I needed to be a turtle in my shell. But I had company in my shell and so I still didn't get that precious "me" time. But it's OK. I knew I was OK that way. I knew that when the time was right to get back to doing the things I was previously enjoying I would feel it. And it has come. Today, while I rested on my bed after a long weekend of dealing with illness related fun, I allowed myself the space to come to the realization that change is now needed. I need to get out of the house for some yoga, some friend time and some me time. I need to do this before my world totally changes again. Four months is not such a long time. I feel like getting all the replenishing I can before once again entering newborn mode. Oh so much to look forward to!

Prayers

I reached out and brought them closer...right up to my chest, feeling their warm, breath and tickly hair up against my face. I hugged them close because in moments of natural disaster, all I can do is imagine another mother feeling fear, feeling helpless, only wanting the safety of her children.

My thoughts and prayers go mighty to all those feeling the awful effects of the earthquake in Japan. I often struggle on how we can help during times like this. People will need first aid, water, food, shelter, and prayers. So I give with my heart and hope you can too.

My New Project

A couple months ago I was contacted by a rep at Chunky Bling, a trendy fashion jewelry online store. He asked if I would be interested in becoming an affiliate and display ads, promote their site, etc...in return for pretty good commission sales. The jewelry is pretty funky and unique and I definitely would wear it. But, I have to be honest and admit that initially I was not interested at all in the money aspect of it. I guess I just never considered my blog as a way to make money for myself, so it felt a bit weird to me.

Well the other day I was sifting through old emails and came across the Chunky Bling email. I must have been in another frame of mind or had some sort of inspiration because I had an idea: I would sign up and instead of keeping the money for myself I would find a charity {or two} to donate the earnings.

Sound good?

I hope so!

Ideally I would like for it to be a local {Canadian} charity, but it doesn't necessarily have to be. I have a couple in mind {one of them is March of Dimes Prematurity Awareness, the other is our local Food Bank-Feed Nova Scotia} that I am going to research a bit more to make sure any money given to them actually goes towards some good. I might also come up with a rotating schedule, of course, this all depends on how much money is actually raised!

And if you have any ideas or suggestions I welcome them gladly!

And in the meantime, please consider clicking on the ads to the left to browse the trendy selection of watches and rings available, cause every purchase counts!

One day...

Today I completed my Life Coaching course. Six months of delving into myself, learning so much about the human mind/brain, about yoga, mindfulness, intuition...gosh and so much more. I was attracted to this particular course because it incorporated so much of the stuff I am already interested in. But I learned so much. And so much about myself.

Wow. What an amazing journey it was. I honestly feel different. I'm still me, but I am a more awake me.

Today our instructor played an Alanis Morissette song that I'd never heard before. It's a beautiful song. But what particularly struck me was that it really exemplifies the way so many people in our society feel today.



One day, in the future I will be...
One day...

But all we have is now.

Why not be that now?

We are looking to the future, forgetting to live our lives today. And of course, we are unhappy. Always waiting for the day we will be happy.

But you can be happy now, today. Truly you can.

I am really going to enjoy soaking in and living with everything that's in my heart. And I hope I can also help others along the way...

Fake Brain

The insights that come from my 4 year are quite astounding even though she's full of that lovable preschooler goofiness. It warms my heart that I hear her understanding the knowledge that I try to pass on to her...makes me feel proud that I do have some impact on what she learns.

Probably since the time she turned 4, she's had nightmares on some nights. She would wake up in the night and have a hard time falling back asleep. I did my best to soothe her and reassure her, however, I could sense that she needed more. So one day I did a guided relaxation with her. Focusing on her breathing, I told her to watch the thoughts flying by like clouds. I told her to try to only think of her breathing. Part by part I told her to relax her body. And before I knew it she was breathing deeply {almost snoring}, deep in sleep.

Another thing that really helped her was to explain to her that her brain tells her stories. That all the scary dreams and thougths she has are not real, they are just things her brain is making up. And in a moment of inspiration I said to her, "You are the boss of your brain. So if it's bothering you, tell it to relax and go to sleep."

Worked like a charm.

Sometimes she'll still call me at night, but when I come in she says she just wanted to tell me that she was doing her breathing and telling her brain to stop telling her stories.

I just love this. Especially from my Life Coach perspective, I love seeing how at such a young age she is understanding the existence of that space of awareness where thoughts happen. I am the boss of my brain. So perfectly put.

And her insight not only stops here. One day during the flu {awful} week, we all had a nap. Well, except Ken who despite being exhausted couldn't fall asleep. I asked him what had been the issue and he said he just couldn't relax. Maddie overheard and said, "Daddy was listening to his fake brain. He doesn't know he's the boss of his brain."

Wow. Daddy sure learned an important lesson that day.

The idea of a fake brain is such a simple yet encompassing way to describe that little voice in our heads that's constantly chattering, making us doubt ourselves, telling us what we can't and can do, what we need to do, all the things that can happen, reminding us of all our hurts and fears...the list is endless. And if left unchecked this fake brain can basically take over our lives and we are left living in the past and the future, missing out on the now, on reality.

So I ask you, are you the boss of your brain? What things is your fake brain doing that you want to change?

{My Sunshines}

Blogger Block

I missed the carnival this month. Not sure how that happened. I guess I wasn't paying attention and I'm pretty sure I didn't get an email reminding me of the deadline so of course my brain was not reminded. Oh well. I have been a crappy blogger lately. Sorry.

I go through these phases.

There's a lot of stuff going on right now.

But I do have a lot of stuff I want to write, I need to write, and I will soon.

Plus I have giveaways coming too. In case anyone's wondering.

Now I'm off to bed.

Sunday Dinners and Lullabies

Welcome to the December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let's Talk Traditions
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.


Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***

I've been thinking long and hard about what traditions our family has. Off the top of my head I couldn't really think of anything besides Christmas things {it's that time of year after all!}. Upon further thought, I was delighted to realize that we do in fact have many little traditions that make our family life quite memorable. In the early fall we go apple picking. We have pictures of these moments since Maddie was 16 months old. In the winter we celebrate Christmas. This is a time of year full of family, food and making memorable memories. One little tradition that has stuck over the years is that my parents, brother and our little family do a "Secret Santa" gift exchange which is always fun, and helps reduce the consumerism around this special holiday. We also enjoy sledding and skating and building stuff out of snow. Winter is actually only enjoyable to me because of the kiddos! In the Spring we start planning the garden and start seedlings indoors. We so enjoy the anticipation of the end of winter, looking forward to the warmth and explosion of new life. In the Summer we get out of the city and head to Ken's parents' cottage whenever we get the chance. It's the perfect place to relax and spend time in Nature. Every year we can do just a bit more with the kiddos and I look forward to the day when we can go on kayak excursions and exploring the rivers in the area. Summertime is also full of swimming, playgrounds, beaches and picnics. Our favorite thing to do is pack up a lunch and head to the playground where we stay until it's nap time.

All these are the ways in which we enjoy each season.

But I also have to share two of my most favorite, everyday, simple-but-lovely traditions.

Every Sunday we head over to my parents' home for dinner. This tradition started a long time ago, I honestly can't recall when. Maybe it's just the way things have always been I do remember though that when we were dating, Ken would come over and have Sunday dinner with us. And it has stuck all these years: I moved out and got married, my brother moved out, Ken and I had a baby, and then another. And all through these years my amazing mama has prepared her delicious food and welcomed us into the comfort of their home. Sometimes others join us too. Friends, other family members, or new friends. But it's always a lovely time. And I honestly look forward to the day I can do the same for my children and grandkids.

And every night, I sing to my kiddos before they go to sleep. Over the years we have sung different songs, but a few are always the favorites and often requested. Sometimes I even make up songs. I love lulling them to sleep with the sound of my voice. It may not be the most amazing voice ever, but to them it is. It's comforting, soothing and familiar. It relaxes them and tells them everything is safe because these lullabies are the perfect bookend to the day; just as they have been since they were in my belly.

***
Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!


Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Traditions? What traditions? — Olivia at Write About Birth needs your advice: how can she make the most of the holiday season in a new country with only her immediate family? (@writeaboutbirth)
• TRADITION!!!!!! — Ella at My Intentional Journey reminds us all to be thankful for family traditions; there are those who have none.
• tradition! — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine came to realize that families can make incredible memories, even if they're not wealthy (or organized).
• Taking a child's perspective on traditions — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to keep in mind how important even the mundane traditions will be to her little ones. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Sunday Dinners and Lullabies — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment finds traditions in the small things throughout the year.
• Simple Family Advent Traditions — Michelle at The Parent Vortex crafted a set of advent bags with daily surprises to eat and to do. (@TheParentVortex)
• Parenting: Family Meetings - A Timeless Tradition — Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness discusses a year-round tradition in her household: Family Meetings. (@InnateWholeness)
• Our Mindful Holidays — They may not be "traditional" traditions, but they fit the family of Kellie at Our Mindful Life.
• Our Holiday Traditions, New and Old — Even with three young children, Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings is finding ways to be intentional and meaningful about holiday traditions. (@sunfrog)
• Our Cupcake Custom — Amy at Anktangle knows celebrations need minimal excuse and lots of cupcakes! (@anktangle)
• On the bunny slope of tradition-making — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is finding her groove as a holistic-minded mama with a joyful holiday spirit. (@crunchychewy)
• No, Virginia, There Is Not a Santa Claus — Just because her family is not going to do Santa, does not mean that Sheila at A Gift Universe can't instill some mystery and magic into Christmas. (@agiftuniverse)
• New Traditions — Becky at Future Legacy shares a few traditions she is starting for her family, including popovers, a birthday banner, and service.
• My Holiday Family Traditions — The Artsymama continues a long tradition of adopting family members and sharing two favorite games that work well for a crowd.
• Mindfully Creating Family Traditions — Alison at BluebirdMama has ideas for celebrating birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Christmas — though her family's still figuring some of it out. (@bluebirdmama)
• Memorable Traditions — Lori Ann at MamaWit follows four mindful steps when instituting any tradition.
• Let's Talk Traditions — Lily, aka Witch Mom shares her family's traditions that are centered on the wheel of the year. (@lilyshahar)
• Homeschool Christmas — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now did not always celebrate the Christmas season in the same way with her family, but they always celebrated together. (@DebChitwood)
• Holidays, food and family — For Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood, the holidays are about family and food. (@crunchymamato2)
• Giving Christmas to the Critter — Rachael at The Variegated Life has found a way to tie her Zen practices to the Christmas story of the baby in the manger. (@RachaelNevins)
• Family Traditions + To Santa Or Not To Santa — Stop by Natural Parents Network to discover some of the traditions from other natural parents. NPN is also featuring snippets of posts from NP bloggers on the topic of whether to encourage children to believe in Santa Claus. (@NatParNet)
• Family Tradition Origins — Momma Jorje discusses her family's traditions, and her desire not to make anyone feel obligated to conform to them.
• Everyday Traditions — For Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children it's the small, daily traditions that make life special.
• Establishing Traditions and Older Child Adoption — MrsH at Fleeting Moments is trying to find ways to start traditions with a family that was made very quickly through birth and adoption.
• Emerging Family Traditions — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares some of her favorite birthday and Christmas traditions. (@bfmom)
• Does Rebellion Count? — Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante has instituted a day of rest and PJs at her house on Christmas. (@seonaid_lee)
• December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Family Traditions — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker tries to give her girls a mix of traditions to foster togetherness — but worries that not being near extended family is a disconnect.
• Craft-tea Christmas Celebrations — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud created a delicious Christmas tradition that she named "Craft-tea."
• A Christmas Tradition — Luschka at Diary of a First Child knows that even though she won't be able to have her usual holiday traditions this year, the important thing is that she has her family. (@lvano)
• Celebrations without the Holiday — Asha at Meta Mom shares several ways to celebrate the winter holidays without focusing on religious traditions. (@metamomma)
• Celebrating the Journey We Have Traveled Together — Acacia at Be Present enjoys the chance to draw closer to her family during the Christmas holiday.
• Celebrating Motherhood — Do you celebrate the day you became a mother? Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers some ideas for traditions to mark your passage into motherhood. (@CodeNameMama)
• Celebrate! Winter Traditions Brought Home. — At True Confessions of a Real Mommy, TrueRealMommy and her family are celebrating many different religions and traditions this month. Stop by to see their schedule of events. (@TrueRealMommy)
• "Always Ready", Holiday Style — Amy at Toddler In Tow discovered that it's not the traditions themselves, but the emotional experience behind them that makes them special.

Sharing {part of} my Story

My article is being featured at Natural Parents Network today. The topic is about overcoming infertility the natural way. I haven't really written about that journey on this {or my previous} blog. I reserved that stuff for an anonymous semi private blog. But, I am ready to move past that and share my experiences and hopefully help someone along the way. If you have a minute check it out!

P.S. I have to say it feels nice {really nice!} to be featured at a community like NPN :-)