Update

Life is...life. We have our ups and downs, don't we all? We cry, we laugh, we get mad, we get happy, we get sad, we love.

Our dogs died. Bobbi died in late October. She had been sick for many months, but had been doing relatively well. Her quality of life got really bad this fall, and we made the very hard decision to euthanize her.

Kali very suddenly got paralyzed on Saturday morning this past December. After almost a week of her being in horrible pain and with no improvement with the vet's protocol, we had to help her not suffer anymore.

It's been hard to not have them around, especially now that they are both gone. To go from having two dogs to no dogs in the span of less than two months, has been really tough. I worry a bit about how this affected Maddie. She really misses them and is grieving. I think she just needs time and lots of love. She's getting plenty of that.

We feel homesick sometimes. We miss our friends. It's hard to make new friends from scratch. But it's coming along, slowly. 

My doula work is amazing. I love my job. I have been to two births here now, and they have been so inspiring, normal yet so powerful they leave me speechless but full of awe for the miracle of birth. I have clients scheduled all the way into the summer, just one per month (except for January I ended up with 2 around the same guess date! Wish me luck they go at least a few days apart! Hahaha!). I would love to be busier, but baby steps at this point. I love being a doula, but I also love being a mom. So I can't overwork myself.

As doulas, we think, "How will this woman remember her experience?" And then we do what we need to do to make it a positive, empowering experience and something she feels good remembering.

As a mother, I do the same.

How will my kids remember this?

And also, "How will I remember this?"

It helps to prevent burnout, over-reactions, or from me doing this I will regret. And it helps me stay present in the moment.

Some more random things...

I am addicted to this song right now.

I have baby fever, but no real desire to actually have another baby! Well, some days I do, and then reality hits me! I am so grateful, blessed and busy with my three beautiful kiddos that at this point I am just focusing on them and doing some personal exploration on why I have baby fever. I am concluding at this point that it is simply a hormonal thing...and so I will try to attach non-baby thoughts to that time of month!

And lastly, I am thinking of shutting down this blog. I have a new site, you can visit me there. I've had the misfortune of being trolled a bit (somewhere else, but still...)...and well, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I created a new site, with more anonymity. Email me if you want the link :-)

Happy New Year!