Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I am thinking...


Searching for the right answer, but I know there is no way to know for sure what that is or even if there is one.

I have a book on Attachment Parenting and I got curious about what the author was up to these days, perhaps she had written another book? So, I looked her up online and I discovered that she is currently going through a mother's worst nightmare. I feel for her. My heart breaks for her. I can only imagine, and I don't even pretend to understand what she is facing. Yet, her story has now got me thinking about a few things...

Regardless about whether or not the information is just day-to-day stuff or groundbreaking, shocking or whatever: Is it wrong to share stuff about your kids online? Are you violating their rights?

People are criticizing her for outing her son as a drug addict on her blog, saying he should have been the one to make the choice to share that information. Some of the comments from people are not pretty and, in my opinion, out of line. How can anyone pretend to understand where she stands? Do you know how it feels to carry a burden of information around for years? In my opinion, holding any kind of secret inside is not therapeutic, it can eat you up inside.

But the biggest thing is that even if she hadn't said anything and continued to keep this a secret, eventually the truth would have come out, somehow it always does. And then people would have criticized her for trying to keep this a secret. So you see, no one ever wins...people will always judge.

Personally, I feel like this falls into the we just can't judge category, because well, we just have no idea what it's like to be in her shoes. Plus, how do we know what we would do if we were faced with that situation?

I'm also thinking about how this might apply to my own life. Do I really have the right to share info about my kids online? Sure, right now it's cutesy kiddo stuff, but when they get older, do I stop, if so, at what age? I blog mostly so I can remember these precious moments, for when my kids are all grown up, I can look back and reminisce. But will they appreciate it? Or will they feel like I trespassed on their rights?

I feel like when they get to a certain age, I will simply just have to ask them what they want to or don't want to share. And I could also make my blog private...there are always options, it's just hard to know which ones to take.

I am also thinking that I bet many people, mostly those that are skeptic about attachment parenting, will see this story and try to use it as proof that this style of parenting doesn't work. But that is just taking two things and erroneously correlating them, when in fact there are many other factors at play. Say, for example, someone strongly supported breastfeeding. They advocated it with gumption. If their kid turned out to be a drug addict, should people then say, "Oh don't breastfeed your kid...?" Or, "No one should ever breastfeed their kids because they will turn into drug addicts?" No, it doesn't quite add up, does it? You can't apply the same assumptions to everyone. There are other factors that play a role in any kind of event, including drug addiction, and we just can't pretend to understand how it all works out.

So, please, cut a fellow mommy some slack. Say a prayer for her son. And don't let this turn you away from parenting intuitively and with heart, loving, nurturing and holding your children close (if you want to call that attachment parenting, then fine, if not, then that's fine too! ...).

P.S. For those that are interested, I am working on a post solely dedicated to Attachment Parenting (and the issues/questions surrounding it)...stay tuned...for now, if you'd like, you can check out a post from my old blog that touches on the subject.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for letting me know you stopped by!