It's just not fair that kiddos grow up and keep growing and there's nothing you can do to make it stop for just a few more moments. I had a good cry today because the reality of it all hit me out of nowhere. Maddie is going to be FIVE soon. It seems like just a moment ago I was giving birth to her, holding her tiny 4lb little self. How did she get to be so big and so independent?
All this is brought on because of the approaching school start date. Technically, she is supposed to start school this year. We had also technically decided to homeschool her, and things started out really well, although we have taken a few breaks here and there {I know I promised to write more about our approach and routine, and I will!}. However, there have been some pretty life changing events that have occurred and are about to that have made this decision a bit harder to stick to.
I am SO torn. I hate the thought of not seeing her for a good part of the day. Of not being there for her if she needs me, of not knowing what she does, what she says, what she learns...of not being a part of all her magical childhood moments. But then again, can I do it, can I homeschool her with the events that are to unfold? I know where there is a will there is a way. I just need to regain my will and find that way.
I go to sleep every night Life Coaching myself and also asking for a bit of help from the Universe to give me the answer. Perhaps I already have it and just need to give it space to surface...just need to clear out the "fake brain" stuff and let the inner truth shine through.
It better happen soon, though. Deadlines are approaching.
I've struggled with the exact same conflict myself. The only helpful insight I can offer right now is: with every kid it's different, so all the lists of what might be best in theory can be thrown out the window once you get to the mental place where you can consider the individual child in front of you and what s/he needs. It's a tough place to get to, because there is so much information and opinion flying at you from both sides of the fence as to which is best, homeschooling or out-of-home-schooling. It's hard to wade through all those brambles and underbrush and come to the ray of light in the meadow where it is clear which direction the path for you and your child leads.
ReplyDeleteMargo-Thanks so much for your insight. I do love getting insight from mamas you are actually going through/been through the same stuff. I can totally see what you mean about each child being different. And I think that's why I'm so torn with the decision because I know she would do so much better at home...and it makes it all that much harder to even consider other options! I know what's right in my heart, I just need to find the courage and figure out how to do it! How do you manage with more than one kiddo (especially little ones?!). Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOoops meant to say Elena Margo :-)
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